It has been way too long since I have blogged last. Please forgive me, but our house was getting renovated. I have been without Internet for a while. I don't know how the Amish do it!! God bless them!
As I was putting my table back in my dining room last night, I was thinking about all of the purposes a kitchen or a dining room table serves. I have missed my table and home cooked meals for a good 6 weeks now. I am actually excited about making my family dinner and serving it at my table. Did I really just type that? Remind me in two weeks when I am whining about what to thaw out for dinner. But, I do have the most fond memories of my childhood sitting at the dinner table with my parents and brothers. It's a great way to connect with your family at the end of the day over a great meal(hopefully)!
My dining room table also has served as the place my Jonathan flipped off and got 6 stitches in his head. Along with an ambulance ride to Children's Hospital. When we have a doosey in the Meyer household, we like to do it up big with all the bells and whistles. The first problem was, that I was cleaning. And if you know me well, you will know that I am not a great housekeeper.( I just don't have the time with 3 little kids. Someday, I will have a clean house, but then my life will be boring.) I was vacuuming the carpet, Jonathan was playing right behind me while I was trying to vacuum and I guess he spotted his sister's 8x10 school pictures on the dining room table that I had dusted and climbed up there to look at them. The vacuum cleaner got clogged,(another reason I hate vacuuming) I turned it off and looked around to see him standing on the table, looking at Ella's picture. I literally scared the daylights out him. I must have raised my voice a little panicked "Get down from there. You are going to get hurt." And with that he slipped and flipped off the dining room table, head cracked through the glass of the picture frame, and then landed on top of the picture frame on the floor, knocking himself out. His head had a nice gash in it. My buddy was bleeding like crazy, as all heads do. My girls ran in the room and immediately, thought he was dead. They freaked out! Poor Leah was hyperventilating and thinking she was going to barf. Ella ran and got me a towel and was searching for my cell phone. My phone was nowhere to be found. Baby in arms, I ran next door to both of my neighbors houses and nobody was home. At this point, I looked like I was involved in the St.Valentine's Day Massacre. Jonathan is bleeding and screaming and I am starting to panic,( just a little bit )running up and down my street looking for a neighbor to use their phone. Thank goodness for this lady driving down my street. She pulled over, called 911, and I used her phone to call Ralph. Of course he didn't answer because he didn't recognize the number. He later met us with us after one of the EMT 's left a message on his cell phone. It is always good to start the cell phone message" No need to be panicked Mr. Meyer but....."
The life squad arrives at my house, and my girls are still sobbing because Jonathan is crazy bleeding and the EMT's are wrapping Jonathan's head is gauze. The EMT decides he for sure he needs to go by ambulance to Children's because there is no way to make sure he stays awake in his car seat and someone needed to keep is head stable with pressure on the gauze to try and subside the bleeding. We were about to get into the ambulance but,there was one slight problem...my girls are not supposed to ride in the ambulance with us. The nice lady who called 911(was a little rough looking) said "I can keep your girls." Well nice lady, I appreciate all you have done for me in the short 5 minutes I have known you,but there is no way in hell I am going to leave my kids with you. I politely decline. There was no option, all three of my darlings were going in the ambulance. What a sight, I am sure we were, bloody baby,bloody Mama, and two sobbing little blonde's with barf bags because they were nervous wrecks.
We arrive at Children's Hospital and after the ER nurses examined my little buddy and gave him some Lidocaine and Epinephrine to numb his head,wrapped his head again and then they sent us to the waiting area. Jonathan had to get a CAT scan and an X-ray before they stitched him up. That was the longest wait ever. We waited 7 long hours before we were seen. Apparently we came in on the night when the flu outbreak took affect in every local school. Oh, and the nurse that gave Jon Boy the two medicines, told us that most likely he would doze off and on from such a hard fall and because of the traumatic day. Ummm yeah right! My child was wound for sound! He literally was bouncing off the walls. It was kind of comical just to see him literally bopping around like nothing happened.
Finally, we were called back to see the doctor. He had to get a few slivers of glass pulled out of his head, but other than that and 6 stitches on the outside and 3 on the inside, he was good to go. There my boy was right before Halloween looking like Harry Potter with his little blue stitches.
One of these days I am hopefully going to be "in stitches" laughing at what a crazy ride that day was! I would laugh now, but I don't want to curse myself for more blue stitches to come!
Monday, August 22, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
LAUGHING GAS :) :)
Ahh the days of Summer, when all moms try and fit in every little doctor and dentist appointment possible for their little angels. No doubt, I try and take full advantage of this. Remember the last blog, when I had mentioned Leah had 5 cavities, but I didn't flip out because Jonathan was on the verge of running into a busy highway? Well, now has come the time to fill those little sugar bugs.
My kids absolutely love our dentist. He is awesome. Shout out to Dr. Rider and his staff! Leah was completely pumped when not only did she get to go somewhere alone with me, but she was going to the dentist. They always give the best goody bags. A far cry from when I was little. No wonder I would rather give birth in a cornfield than go to the dentist.
Of course with getting cavities filled comes the laughing gas. None of my kids have had laughing gas before. I haven't either, so I had no clue what to expect. Leah was having her teeth done on two different occasions, because it would be too much on her all at once. They call her name back to start working on her pearly whites, and she is one excited girl. Coming out is a complete different story.
Leah was back getting worked on for a while. When she came out, she was really numb on the one side. She definitely looked like she wasn't feeling too hot. The hygienist told me Leah was the best patient she has had in 11 years and that she would probably go home and take a long nap for me. If the hygienist would have gone home with us, she would have a completely different opinion of the patient of the career award.
I had to work the day she had all this dental work done, but not until later. My cousin was going to come over and sit for 2 hours until Ralph got home from work. We get home, and holy hell breaks lose. I guess the Novocaine was starting to wear off. I asked Leah if I could get her a drink and I think a bit of the chick from the exorcist came out in her. She went absolutely crazy. She's screaming about drinking a frosty and how it taste "like bad." "Mom, why did you ruin my frosty?" Leah screeched. "Um, Leah what are you talking about?" I asked " You put the dentist in my frosty." She accused. Then she starts going completely nutty,crying and carrying on about the dentist smell ruining her frosty and then how I gave Ella a towel out of the tub first last night. At this point, I had to call Big Daddy. " I have no clue what the hell is wrong with her. She is so irritated with me. It had to be the laughing gas that isn't making her so funny,but coo coo." I told him. I think Big Daddy thought he was going to be able to put his daddy cape on and come to the rescue. He stops by to check the scene out. We decide to call my cousin ,Joey and say don't even bother coming over to babysit. My cousin, Joey is a Seminarian and he is great with my kids. We didn't want him to have to perform a laughing gas exorcism before he was trained to do so:). Of course, when I go to work Leah decides to take a 2 hour nap then. All of her screaming on my watch must have worn her out for Big Daddy's time frame. And yeah, Big Daddy thinks that he has the magic touch that got her to sleep. I will just let him think that. After her nap, she was perfectly fine.
Yesterday, I had to take Leah in to get the rest of the sugar bugs tackled. I told the hygienist that she had the weirdest reaction to the laughing gas. Obviously, she wasn't all giggly. She told me that sometimes it has the gas has the reverse affect just like benedryl does. ONLY IN MY HOUSE IT WOULD!
This time Leah comes out and she is very smiley. Well, if she could have smiled, she would have. She was a laughing fool and I couldn't stop laughing either! The picture, should say it all. Leah even managed to freak my Mom out with all the laughing so hard she was crying. Leah Ryan, what would I do without you?
My kids absolutely love our dentist. He is awesome. Shout out to Dr. Rider and his staff! Leah was completely pumped when not only did she get to go somewhere alone with me, but she was going to the dentist. They always give the best goody bags. A far cry from when I was little. No wonder I would rather give birth in a cornfield than go to the dentist.
Of course with getting cavities filled comes the laughing gas. None of my kids have had laughing gas before. I haven't either, so I had no clue what to expect. Leah was having her teeth done on two different occasions, because it would be too much on her all at once. They call her name back to start working on her pearly whites, and she is one excited girl. Coming out is a complete different story.
Leah was back getting worked on for a while. When she came out, she was really numb on the one side. She definitely looked like she wasn't feeling too hot. The hygienist told me Leah was the best patient she has had in 11 years and that she would probably go home and take a long nap for me. If the hygienist would have gone home with us, she would have a completely different opinion of the patient of the career award.
I had to work the day she had all this dental work done, but not until later. My cousin was going to come over and sit for 2 hours until Ralph got home from work. We get home, and holy hell breaks lose. I guess the Novocaine was starting to wear off. I asked Leah if I could get her a drink and I think a bit of the chick from the exorcist came out in her. She went absolutely crazy. She's screaming about drinking a frosty and how it taste "like bad." "Mom, why did you ruin my frosty?" Leah screeched. "Um, Leah what are you talking about?" I asked " You put the dentist in my frosty." She accused. Then she starts going completely nutty,crying and carrying on about the dentist smell ruining her frosty and then how I gave Ella a towel out of the tub first last night. At this point, I had to call Big Daddy. " I have no clue what the hell is wrong with her. She is so irritated with me. It had to be the laughing gas that isn't making her so funny,but coo coo." I told him. I think Big Daddy thought he was going to be able to put his daddy cape on and come to the rescue. He stops by to check the scene out. We decide to call my cousin ,Joey and say don't even bother coming over to babysit. My cousin, Joey is a Seminarian and he is great with my kids. We didn't want him to have to perform a laughing gas exorcism before he was trained to do so:). Of course, when I go to work Leah decides to take a 2 hour nap then. All of her screaming on my watch must have worn her out for Big Daddy's time frame. And yeah, Big Daddy thinks that he has the magic touch that got her to sleep. I will just let him think that. After her nap, she was perfectly fine.
Yesterday, I had to take Leah in to get the rest of the sugar bugs tackled. I told the hygienist that she had the weirdest reaction to the laughing gas. Obviously, she wasn't all giggly. She told me that sometimes it has the gas has the reverse affect just like benedryl does. ONLY IN MY HOUSE IT WOULD!
This time Leah comes out and she is very smiley. Well, if she could have smiled, she would have. She was a laughing fool and I couldn't stop laughing either! The picture, should say it all. Leah even managed to freak my Mom out with all the laughing so hard she was crying. Leah Ryan, what would I do without you?
Sunday, June 12, 2011
GOD'S GIFT
The last time I blogged it had been a hellacious day, which turned into a hellacious week. I also, happened to wreck my beloved Grandma's car on Thursday of that particular week. Don't worry though, she's still running! It was a close one! A little face lift and she(the car) will be just fine! So, yes, I did manage to wreck both of our cars in a 4 day period, but who is counting?
I really was feeling frustrated that week and couldn't wait to start fresh on Monday. Monday came, and nothing really terribly bad had happened. Tuesday was fine, I guess, because I can't remember it(imagine that) Wednesday, was a whole new story. It has taken me this long to write about it, because I am self diagnosing with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder over it. Its been rough!
The rainy weather had finally stopped. It was a beautiful Wednesday. I had picked Leah and her friend up from Kindergarten at 11:15. Her dentist appointment was at 12:15. So, being the good mother that I am, I decided to take them to McDonald's Outdoor Play land to kill the hour of time before her appointment. My aunt and a few of my cousins met us there. The play land has a 10 foot rod ironed fence all around it. Kids can't escape,usually. Unless, you are my 2 year old baby boy.
This McDonald's sits on a very busy Pike. The speed limit is 35 MPH. Nobody ever goes the speed limit they are always going way too fast. We were getting ready to leave. I sat Jonathan down on a little stoop completely opposite from the exit door. He was sitting there playing with his shoes I had put on him, while I was throwing the garbage away. My back was turned for maybe 25 seconds. The next thing I hear is screaming from my aunt "Bridget! Bridget! Jonathan! Oh no!Get him!" I drop everything and see my child standing on the corner of US 27 and the drive thru of McDonald's. Another pinky toe out and my child would have been hit by a car. I start sprinting through McDonald's pushing people out of my way to get to my baby. I had to go through 3 doors that you have to pull open to get to him. For a 2 year old, that is a pretty tough task to get those doors open. I finally get to him, scoop him in my arms and hold on to him as tight as I can. My heart racing, my hand, knees, and I am pretty sure toes were shaking I am completely frantic at this point. I could hardly breathe. My little buddy's life,my life, and my family's lives could have been completely devastated in less than a second. When I was carrying Jonathan back in the restaurant I asked him"Buddy, what were you doing? You can't be by a busy street." He replied "I was looking for my car seat,Mom." "Oh that's all? I thought you were trying to give me a heart attack." I said huffing and puffing with tears in my eyes.
I could hardly get the words out when I called my husband to tell him what had happened. He told me to calm down and start over. I guess I didn't get out the first time that Jonathan was perfectly fine. I was a little hesitant to call to tell Ralph what exactly happened. One of those things where it kinda happened on my watch type thing. He took it way better than I thought. "He is fine, Bridget. That is all that matters."
The next phone call I made to calm myself down was to my Mom. Of course by this point its all sinking in what could have happened and I am crying hysterically. In the midst of my sobbing I say "What kind of dumb ass adults were watching my baby try and get out the door of a McDonald's? Why wouldn't they have stopped him?" My Mom said " They were probably thinking what kind of dumb ass parent is letting their child run loose in McDonald's?It can happen to anyone , Bridget. You turn your head for a second and they are off and running" "True." was my reply. After my therapy session between my Mommy and Ralph I was able to drive Leah to her dentist appointment. I am so glad she proudly proclaimed that I saved her little brother's life to the whole staff. So, when they told me that she had 5 cavities, I didn't flip a lid. In fact, it didn't even phase me. Teeth are fixable and replaceable. Just like my car(s) ,air conditioner , washer and dryer and anything else that was broken or hit the week before. I don't care who has what, or who is going on vacation where or what nice car everyone else is driving, but me. The pity party from last week was over. All I care about is that my little family is happy,healthy,safe and sound. That is all that matters to me.
Jonathan's name means Gift from God. All of my children are my best gifts. But, he took a few years and lots of prayers to get on earth. I thought I may never have another baby. I remember the day I had him, not wanting to put him in his bassinet. I wanted to hold him forever. I had him snuggled on my chest whispering to him" You were worth the wait, Jonathan." He is my definite gift from God. I wouldn't know what I would do without him!
P.S. I will never judge anyone who has their child on a leash. I think I might need to buy one!
I really was feeling frustrated that week and couldn't wait to start fresh on Monday. Monday came, and nothing really terribly bad had happened. Tuesday was fine, I guess, because I can't remember it(imagine that) Wednesday, was a whole new story. It has taken me this long to write about it, because I am self diagnosing with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder over it. Its been rough!
The rainy weather had finally stopped. It was a beautiful Wednesday. I had picked Leah and her friend up from Kindergarten at 11:15. Her dentist appointment was at 12:15. So, being the good mother that I am, I decided to take them to McDonald's Outdoor Play land to kill the hour of time before her appointment. My aunt and a few of my cousins met us there. The play land has a 10 foot rod ironed fence all around it. Kids can't escape,usually. Unless, you are my 2 year old baby boy.
This McDonald's sits on a very busy Pike. The speed limit is 35 MPH. Nobody ever goes the speed limit they are always going way too fast. We were getting ready to leave. I sat Jonathan down on a little stoop completely opposite from the exit door. He was sitting there playing with his shoes I had put on him, while I was throwing the garbage away. My back was turned for maybe 25 seconds. The next thing I hear is screaming from my aunt "Bridget! Bridget! Jonathan! Oh no!Get him!" I drop everything and see my child standing on the corner of US 27 and the drive thru of McDonald's. Another pinky toe out and my child would have been hit by a car. I start sprinting through McDonald's pushing people out of my way to get to my baby. I had to go through 3 doors that you have to pull open to get to him. For a 2 year old, that is a pretty tough task to get those doors open. I finally get to him, scoop him in my arms and hold on to him as tight as I can. My heart racing, my hand, knees, and I am pretty sure toes were shaking I am completely frantic at this point. I could hardly breathe. My little buddy's life,my life, and my family's lives could have been completely devastated in less than a second. When I was carrying Jonathan back in the restaurant I asked him"Buddy, what were you doing? You can't be by a busy street." He replied "I was looking for my car seat,Mom." "Oh that's all? I thought you were trying to give me a heart attack." I said huffing and puffing with tears in my eyes.
I could hardly get the words out when I called my husband to tell him what had happened. He told me to calm down and start over. I guess I didn't get out the first time that Jonathan was perfectly fine. I was a little hesitant to call to tell Ralph what exactly happened. One of those things where it kinda happened on my watch type thing. He took it way better than I thought. "He is fine, Bridget. That is all that matters."
The next phone call I made to calm myself down was to my Mom. Of course by this point its all sinking in what could have happened and I am crying hysterically. In the midst of my sobbing I say "What kind of dumb ass adults were watching my baby try and get out the door of a McDonald's? Why wouldn't they have stopped him?" My Mom said " They were probably thinking what kind of dumb ass parent is letting their child run loose in McDonald's?It can happen to anyone , Bridget. You turn your head for a second and they are off and running" "True." was my reply. After my therapy session between my Mommy and Ralph I was able to drive Leah to her dentist appointment. I am so glad she proudly proclaimed that I saved her little brother's life to the whole staff. So, when they told me that she had 5 cavities, I didn't flip a lid. In fact, it didn't even phase me. Teeth are fixable and replaceable. Just like my car(s) ,air conditioner , washer and dryer and anything else that was broken or hit the week before. I don't care who has what, or who is going on vacation where or what nice car everyone else is driving, but me. The pity party from last week was over. All I care about is that my little family is happy,healthy,safe and sound. That is all that matters to me.
Jonathan's name means Gift from God. All of my children are my best gifts. But, he took a few years and lots of prayers to get on earth. I thought I may never have another baby. I remember the day I had him, not wanting to put him in his bassinet. I wanted to hold him forever. I had him snuggled on my chest whispering to him" You were worth the wait, Jonathan." He is my definite gift from God. I wouldn't know what I would do without him!
P.S. I will never judge anyone who has their child on a leash. I think I might need to buy one!
Monday, May 16, 2011
HIGH SPEED CHASE
To say it has been a calm day, is an understatement. I should have known how the day was going to go when I could hardly get my girls out of bed for school. Leah, especially was giving me a run for my money this morning. She was dragging her feet and being very difficult,which made us late for school. This was problem # 1 of the day. I should have gone back to bed, but I didn't.
I was so excited for today because Leah 's dance class was over and neither of the girls had piano today. I had plans to get a ton accomplished today. Did that happen? Absolutely not! I pick Leah up from school, where she proceeds to tell me that she almost puked at school and had the cold sweats,a bellyache and headache. I take one good look at her and know that she has strep throat. Sure enough, after a visit to my wonderful doctor's office(they were awesome and squeezed us in) Leah is confirmed with her 6th case of strep since December and has to go see an ENT to get her tonsils out. This is problem of the day #2.
We get home from the doctor's office and I get Leah and Jonathan all situated with a movie so I can go switch over the laundry. I go downstairs, lift up the lid of the washer and see that my washer isn't spinning all of the water out of my clothes. OY!!! This is problem of the day #3.
Ralph gets home from work. I explain to him about the washer. While I am telling him about the washer, he gets a phone call and rushes outside from the madness in the house to be able to hear the person on the other end of the phone. He comes back inside, and has" that look". You know, "the look" your husband has when he is extremely pissed off and is about to explode, but can't because his kids are in the room and doesn't want them to pay a larger dollar amount for the therapy sessions they will need as adults because of their father's explosive behavior.I ask him "What's the matter?" He proceeds to tell me that our bank put a fraud alert on our savings and checking account because they have been having fraudulent activity with the one restaurant we went to. Seriously? Can the day get any worse? Oh you bet your ass it can! This is problem of the day # 4.
The rule at our house is, when you have strep throat and you have to get a shot, you get to pick whatever you want for dinner. Leah decides she wants Chinese. Yum! I love Chinese! Ralph decides to pick up the food on the way home from work. He tells me something weird was going on at the restaurant. He didn't hear any fryers going and it was so weird how quick our food was ready. Needless to say, our food was DISGUSTING!! GROSS!! GROSS!! GROSS!! I settled for an orange and a piece of cheese for dinner. Problem of the day # 5.
This is the cherry topper to my day. I am taking Ella to dance class. Two blocks up from my house I stop at a 4 way stop sign. It is my turn to go. I proceed, with caution. The person on the right side of me did not. He is driving a big gray truck. He hits the back end of my car and slows down, looks at me and keeps on driving. I have watched way too many episodes of Cops and Police Women of Cincinnati. I throw my car in park, push the door open and start sprinting toward this guys car. This guy in a white van saw the whole thing and starts driving after him. He corners his car. The guy gets out a block and a half away from where he hit me and says "Uhh did I hit your car?" My response" What do you think? " I have his license plate memorized. I already know his type way too well. His type likes to steal strollers off of people's front porches. " You aren't going to call the police, are you?" He asks. "I already did." I say breathless from my high speed foot chase and calling 911 at the same time. Sometimes, I do impress myself. That is what you call multi-tasking ,my friends. "Damn." is all he had to say to me.
I come to find out that he was driving his "baby moms" truck. In those exact words,"baby moms". At this point, I am thinking Dear God, its me, Bridget! Please help!! Why, oh why, can't there be normal, decent human beings on this earth? And by the way, the hit man claims that he wasn't sure if he actually hit my car. How do you not know if you hit someones car? Really? Oh, and before the cops came, he licked his hand and tried to rub out my bumper. "It's paint!" I snapped! " You can't rub it out!" He just looked at me like I had three heads. At least he was smart enough to go stand on the opposite side of the street after I was kind of pissy with him. On a positive note, he did have proof of insurance. We shall see, if it is active. I am not going to hold my breath. I also think God was trying to give me a sign today,when my change from my iced tea was $6.66. I even donated a dollar to benefit some foundation so I wouldn't have that amount of change. And what do you know? This was problem #6!
I can' t wait to get in my bed tonight and forget this all happened! These days only make you stronger or an alcoholic!
I was so excited for today because Leah 's dance class was over and neither of the girls had piano today. I had plans to get a ton accomplished today. Did that happen? Absolutely not! I pick Leah up from school, where she proceeds to tell me that she almost puked at school and had the cold sweats,a bellyache and headache. I take one good look at her and know that she has strep throat. Sure enough, after a visit to my wonderful doctor's office(they were awesome and squeezed us in) Leah is confirmed with her 6th case of strep since December and has to go see an ENT to get her tonsils out. This is problem of the day #2.
We get home from the doctor's office and I get Leah and Jonathan all situated with a movie so I can go switch over the laundry. I go downstairs, lift up the lid of the washer and see that my washer isn't spinning all of the water out of my clothes. OY!!! This is problem of the day #3.
Ralph gets home from work. I explain to him about the washer. While I am telling him about the washer, he gets a phone call and rushes outside from the madness in the house to be able to hear the person on the other end of the phone. He comes back inside, and has" that look". You know, "the look" your husband has when he is extremely pissed off and is about to explode, but can't because his kids are in the room and doesn't want them to pay a larger dollar amount for the therapy sessions they will need as adults because of their father's explosive behavior.I ask him "What's the matter?" He proceeds to tell me that our bank put a fraud alert on our savings and checking account because they have been having fraudulent activity with the one restaurant we went to. Seriously? Can the day get any worse? Oh you bet your ass it can! This is problem of the day # 4.
The rule at our house is, when you have strep throat and you have to get a shot, you get to pick whatever you want for dinner. Leah decides she wants Chinese. Yum! I love Chinese! Ralph decides to pick up the food on the way home from work. He tells me something weird was going on at the restaurant. He didn't hear any fryers going and it was so weird how quick our food was ready. Needless to say, our food was DISGUSTING!! GROSS!! GROSS!! GROSS!! I settled for an orange and a piece of cheese for dinner. Problem of the day # 5.
This is the cherry topper to my day. I am taking Ella to dance class. Two blocks up from my house I stop at a 4 way stop sign. It is my turn to go. I proceed, with caution. The person on the right side of me did not. He is driving a big gray truck. He hits the back end of my car and slows down, looks at me and keeps on driving. I have watched way too many episodes of Cops and Police Women of Cincinnati. I throw my car in park, push the door open and start sprinting toward this guys car. This guy in a white van saw the whole thing and starts driving after him. He corners his car. The guy gets out a block and a half away from where he hit me and says "Uhh did I hit your car?" My response" What do you think? " I have his license plate memorized. I already know his type way too well. His type likes to steal strollers off of people's front porches. " You aren't going to call the police, are you?" He asks. "I already did." I say breathless from my high speed foot chase and calling 911 at the same time. Sometimes, I do impress myself. That is what you call multi-tasking ,my friends. "Damn." is all he had to say to me.
I come to find out that he was driving his "baby moms" truck. In those exact words,"baby moms". At this point, I am thinking Dear God, its me, Bridget! Please help!! Why, oh why, can't there be normal, decent human beings on this earth? And by the way, the hit man claims that he wasn't sure if he actually hit my car. How do you not know if you hit someones car? Really? Oh, and before the cops came, he licked his hand and tried to rub out my bumper. "It's paint!" I snapped! " You can't rub it out!" He just looked at me like I had three heads. At least he was smart enough to go stand on the opposite side of the street after I was kind of pissy with him. On a positive note, he did have proof of insurance. We shall see, if it is active. I am not going to hold my breath. I also think God was trying to give me a sign today,when my change from my iced tea was $6.66. I even donated a dollar to benefit some foundation so I wouldn't have that amount of change. And what do you know? This was problem #6!
I can' t wait to get in my bed tonight and forget this all happened! These days only make you stronger or an alcoholic!
Friday, May 6, 2011
THE SEPTIC TANK
My Grandma and Grandpa lived on about 4 acres. At one point my Grandma and Grandpa had cows, a huge veggie and fruit garden,beautiful rose gardens and an apple orchard. My parents would let us run the land when we would go out there. It was great. My Grandparents also have a septic tank. It used to have a bubble like metal top. Well, it did have a metal top, until I fell through it. Yep, You got it, at one point in my life half my body was swimming in poo. My Grandma's poo that is! Yuck!
Before my Grandpa died,he would have what he called a "fall round up." All of the grand kids come out and help clean up the yard and harvest what is left in the gardens, before winter would come. Then they would order LaRosas or Grandma would make dinner for us.
We carried on this tradition after Grandpa died. It was too much for Grandma to do alone. So, We go out to Grandma's. I had had Ella and Leah. They were 1 and 2. Both walking. We are all cleaning outside and Ella and Leah keep running over the septic tank cover. I kept telling them to stop. Did they listen? Of course not! My Dad yells at me to grab Ella would kept jumping on it. I run over, to get her I reach over to grab her and she runs off the lid at this point. Well, I am already on top of the tank. And the next thing I know is that I am holding on for dear life while half of my body is in the septic tank and my one leg is in a heel stretch position outside of the tank. IT HURT LIKE HELL!!! I start screaming and my family comes running over laughing hysterically. Really people? You aren't swimming in poo! My brothers drag be out of the tank. I have crap(literally) all over my body, and in my hair. I hobble into my Grandma's garage, and strip down naked, throwing my shoes and clothes away. I couldn't decide if I wanted to puke, faint,laugh or cry! I had to get into the shower,obviously and get some new clothes. I go running into my Grandma's house with nothing covering me but a dish towel. Grandma is sitting in her chair. She comes following me into the bathroom. " Why are you running through the house with not a stitch of clothing on?" She asks. " I fell through your septic tank." I say. " What do you mean you fell through my septic tank? It has a lid." She asks extremely confused. " I fell through it Grandma. It was dry rotted and 30 something years old." I reply. For goodness sake I am trying to scrub her poop off my body! I don't need to be questioned! I tell her to ask my Dad about it. But first, she went in her room and got some clothes out for me to borrow. Remember,shes 83ish and I am 25. There is a little bit of a fashion gap there. On her bed she sets out for me a Christmas turtleneck, puke green elastic wasted pants, hospital socks with the tread things on the bottom, and a green harvest sweater, complete with pumpkins and gourds. Oh and I almost forgot, I had to borrow her bra! Ha!Ha! Needless to say it was WAY too small. How did I get this lucky? This would only happen to me!!
My Mom made me call about getting a tetanus shot. Of course I needed a tetanus shot. It was a Sunday, so I had to go to the hospital and get a shot. I got some stares! Oh well! A day in the life of Bridget!!
Before my Grandpa died,he would have what he called a "fall round up." All of the grand kids come out and help clean up the yard and harvest what is left in the gardens, before winter would come. Then they would order LaRosas or Grandma would make dinner for us.
We carried on this tradition after Grandpa died. It was too much for Grandma to do alone. So, We go out to Grandma's. I had had Ella and Leah. They were 1 and 2. Both walking. We are all cleaning outside and Ella and Leah keep running over the septic tank cover. I kept telling them to stop. Did they listen? Of course not! My Dad yells at me to grab Ella would kept jumping on it. I run over, to get her I reach over to grab her and she runs off the lid at this point. Well, I am already on top of the tank. And the next thing I know is that I am holding on for dear life while half of my body is in the septic tank and my one leg is in a heel stretch position outside of the tank. IT HURT LIKE HELL!!! I start screaming and my family comes running over laughing hysterically. Really people? You aren't swimming in poo! My brothers drag be out of the tank. I have crap(literally) all over my body, and in my hair. I hobble into my Grandma's garage, and strip down naked, throwing my shoes and clothes away. I couldn't decide if I wanted to puke, faint,laugh or cry! I had to get into the shower,obviously and get some new clothes. I go running into my Grandma's house with nothing covering me but a dish towel. Grandma is sitting in her chair. She comes following me into the bathroom. " Why are you running through the house with not a stitch of clothing on?" She asks. " I fell through your septic tank." I say. " What do you mean you fell through my septic tank? It has a lid." She asks extremely confused. " I fell through it Grandma. It was dry rotted and 30 something years old." I reply. For goodness sake I am trying to scrub her poop off my body! I don't need to be questioned! I tell her to ask my Dad about it. But first, she went in her room and got some clothes out for me to borrow. Remember,shes 83ish and I am 25. There is a little bit of a fashion gap there. On her bed she sets out for me a Christmas turtleneck, puke green elastic wasted pants, hospital socks with the tread things on the bottom, and a green harvest sweater, complete with pumpkins and gourds. Oh and I almost forgot, I had to borrow her bra! Ha!Ha! Needless to say it was WAY too small. How did I get this lucky? This would only happen to me!!
My Mom made me call about getting a tetanus shot. Of course I needed a tetanus shot. It was a Sunday, so I had to go to the hospital and get a shot. I got some stares! Oh well! A day in the life of Bridget!!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
OPI SPARKLING RED - LIPS THAT IS
I guess growing up with two older sisters has to be tough. Jonathan is always the babysitter of their baby dolls and always gets the short end of the stick when it comes to the girls playing barbies together instead of rebounding his basketballs or being the pitcher for his baseball game. He usually wants to do whatever his sisters are doing. This would only naturally include putting on lip gloss , nails being polished and putting on head bands.
We always having a lot of nail polish at our house being a Cosmetologist it can be an addiciton for the great discount I recieve. St. Nick decided to stuff my girls stockings with a mini set OPI sparkling nail polish. St. Nick will NEVER do this again. Dumbest idea ever!
This day, I am about to tell you about is going to go down in the history books. We have a had a very cold winter here, in Northern Kentucky. Chapped faces and runny noses seem to be the fashion for children's faces. I had picked Leah up from Kindergarten. We get home from school, I ran upstairs to use the bathroom. I was gone for 30 seconds, at most. I tell Leah to keep an eye on her brother for a second. I come downstairs to my son, with very RED sparkling lips. I thought Leah had put lipstick on him. She is notorious for wearing lipstick all the time. Thank goodness she finally started calling it lipstick and not lipdick. That was a problem for a while. So, back to the sparkling lips. As I get closer to Jonathan, I realize that its not lipstick,its OPI SPARKLING RED NAIL POLISH. "Mom, I let buddy polish his lips!" Leah says all proud. OMG! Nail polish. How in the wide world am I going to get nail polish off of his lips? Not only was it on his lips,it was underneath his nose, where his skin was so chapped and crusty from our horrible winter. I tried wipes. I tried soap. I tried everything. NOTHING was working and my girls needed to go to basketball practice. Great, I am going to have to take my son and his sparkling lips into a gym. Thank goodness he is 2 and won't realize the cross dresser looks he would be given. Oh, and I almost forgot, he was boycotting wearing shoes that day. He looked negleted to say the least!
After I got a million questions from the little kids in the gym and weirdo stares, a Mom comes up to me and asked me if I called poison control. I didn't. I am positive he didn't drink it. He is the youngest of 3. I was trying to get out the door on time to get to the darn basketball practice . I didn't have time to call poison contol!Be happy I am here on time and my other two kids have shoes on with possible matching socks(yeah right!)
Three days later, after going to the grocery store, running mulitple errands and going to Jonathan's sisters activities he finally didn't look like Johnna anymore and looked like himself again. I had to pin him on the couch with vaseline and warm water and scrub away while he screamed"I not like my wed(red) wips(lips) Mom! Stop it! Stop it!"
Lesson learned: I will never leave Leah in charge, even if its for 30 seconds to pee. St. Nick will never bring stocking stuffers of nail polish, and I will take a picture next time if his lips ever get polished again!
We always having a lot of nail polish at our house being a Cosmetologist it can be an addiciton for the great discount I recieve. St. Nick decided to stuff my girls stockings with a mini set OPI sparkling nail polish. St. Nick will NEVER do this again. Dumbest idea ever!
This day, I am about to tell you about is going to go down in the history books. We have a had a very cold winter here, in Northern Kentucky. Chapped faces and runny noses seem to be the fashion for children's faces. I had picked Leah up from Kindergarten. We get home from school, I ran upstairs to use the bathroom. I was gone for 30 seconds, at most. I tell Leah to keep an eye on her brother for a second. I come downstairs to my son, with very RED sparkling lips. I thought Leah had put lipstick on him. She is notorious for wearing lipstick all the time. Thank goodness she finally started calling it lipstick and not lipdick. That was a problem for a while. So, back to the sparkling lips. As I get closer to Jonathan, I realize that its not lipstick,its OPI SPARKLING RED NAIL POLISH. "Mom, I let buddy polish his lips!" Leah says all proud. OMG! Nail polish. How in the wide world am I going to get nail polish off of his lips? Not only was it on his lips,it was underneath his nose, where his skin was so chapped and crusty from our horrible winter. I tried wipes. I tried soap. I tried everything. NOTHING was working and my girls needed to go to basketball practice. Great, I am going to have to take my son and his sparkling lips into a gym. Thank goodness he is 2 and won't realize the cross dresser looks he would be given. Oh, and I almost forgot, he was boycotting wearing shoes that day. He looked negleted to say the least!
After I got a million questions from the little kids in the gym and weirdo stares, a Mom comes up to me and asked me if I called poison control. I didn't. I am positive he didn't drink it. He is the youngest of 3. I was trying to get out the door on time to get to the darn basketball practice . I didn't have time to call poison contol!Be happy I am here on time and my other two kids have shoes on with possible matching socks(yeah right!)
Three days later, after going to the grocery store, running mulitple errands and going to Jonathan's sisters activities he finally didn't look like Johnna anymore and looked like himself again. I had to pin him on the couch with vaseline and warm water and scrub away while he screamed"I not like my wed(red) wips(lips) Mom! Stop it! Stop it!"
Lesson learned: I will never leave Leah in charge, even if its for 30 seconds to pee. St. Nick will never bring stocking stuffers of nail polish, and I will take a picture next time if his lips ever get polished again!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
You Really Just Didn't Do That?!
We bought our house about 8 years ago. It's been a project, like most houses are. Our neighborhood was , and still is,an up in coming neighborhood. All of these little adorable boutiques and second hand stores started filling up the avenue. Of course, they had a children's second hand store, that had some really nice stuff. My girls were 6 months and barely 2 at the time, when I spotted it. I was driving through Bellevue right past the children's store, when this lady was unloading a Schwinn double jogging stroller. I pulled my car over and got out before the lady could even get the stroller through the door. "Wait! Wait!" I exclaimed. "I will take it!"
I didn't even care how much it cost. I needed an outlet and walking with my babies was perfect. It was so stressful and depressing having a colicky baby, a toddler, my Dad being sick,my Mom coping with it all and my "up and coming house" that was in need of a ton of work. This stroller was going to solve all of my problems. It was the best 136.00 dollars I have ever spent. besides the money I am going to spend on that tummy tuck and boob lift SOMEDAY!! I walked and walked and my girls loved it. I would often joke that the stroller was a lot nicer than my car and I didn't have to put gas in it!!
I took the girls for a really long walk one night in early October.I got home and asked Ralph to bring the stroller in the house,and off the porch while I put the girls to bed. I thought he did. And yes, Honey, I am STILL blaming YOU for this 5 years later! There was probably some game on, and he must not have heard me or has major wax build up in his ears or just ignored me. I am going to go with he ignored me.
The next morning I get the girls ready to go for a stroll and walk out to put them in the stroller, and there is no stroller ANYWHERE!!! I called Big Daddy (aka my husband) and asked him where it was. He hadn't a clue about what I was talking about. You have got to be kidding me! Someone stole my stroller. What the hell?
I called and reported it to the police. I thought for sure I would never see my Prozac on three wheels again. That brand of strollers are really expensive if you buy them from a store or order online. 350.00 dollars for a stroller was a little out of our price rang.
One of the last jobs my Dad did on my house was paint it. While he was painting it he took my house numbers down off of my house and threw them in the back pocket of my stroller so he could put them back on my house when he was finished painting. I guess he forgot. He had a few things on his mind.
Needless to say, I was annoyed and getting fatter day by day. I was so irritated about the whole situation. First, I was mad that someone had the audacity to come on to my property and take something of mine that meant so much to me. Didn't they know my Dad was dying of cancer and I needed that stroller so I could go to Christ Hosptial and push my girls up to visit their Papa who was staying in the Oncology floor a week at a time getting treatments!? It was also such a great therapy for me to be able to walk and think and get all of my frustrations out about whole situation. I was pissed!
Fast forward to Halloween. My girls (still) would rather give out candy than go trick or treating. They love seeing all of the costumes. When it is trick or treat in Bellevue, people drop their kids off by the car loads. It is insane. Hundreds walk the streets in their costumes for candy. Ralph and I are sitting on the steps handing out candy when this toothless wonder, and her boyfriend that looks like he hasn't bathed in a century come up to our house pushing MY STROLLER trick or treating with their kids! It's a double stroller, remember. Somewhere, they missed math and a few other things in life because there were 7 kids in my stroller. 4 on the top of the sun visor and 3 in the actual stroller. I, played it cool,kind of! I asked the girl where she got her stroller. "Walmart." She replied quickly with her nasty cigarette dangling from her mouth. "They don't sell them at Walmart." I said. My heart was about pounding out of my chest. "They don't?" Toothless Wonder questioned."You got it off my front porch." I said.I could have peed my pants I was so nervous. What a dumb ass. If you are going to steal someones belongings, don't trick or treat their house with the item you stole! Toothless wonder decides to start walking away from my house.She was looking pretty nervous. Big Daddy was on the phone with the police following Toothless Wonder and her boyfriend down the street while they kept trick or treating with their kids. Poor kids!! The police show up and start questioning. Big Daddy tells them that our house number is in the back pocket of the stroller. What do you know? The police pull out my house number! Supposedly, Unbathed Boyfriend bought the stroller for Toothless Wonder from someone in their housing unit that stole the stroller from my house. The police look up the guy's name they gave and he's incarcerated for burglary! Imagine that!!
Next thing I see is Big Daddy walking through the crowd gathered around, with my stroller! You have got to be kidding me! I think God was afraid I was going to go off the deep end so he was able to have my stroller rescued!! I was elated! After all the crappy things that life was throwing at us, finally, a little thing that made a huge difference in my daily life and waist line was positive!
That night we brought the stroller in our house, and had to take it outside to the back porch because it had to be aired out. It reeked of cigarettes and pot! Big Daddy babysat my stroller for me for a couple of hours. We weren't going to have a repeat of the ordeal twice!
I still use my stroller almost everyday! It has been my therapy and saving grace a lot of the time! This Momma is happy!!
I didn't even care how much it cost. I needed an outlet and walking with my babies was perfect. It was so stressful and depressing having a colicky baby, a toddler, my Dad being sick,my Mom coping with it all and my "up and coming house" that was in need of a ton of work. This stroller was going to solve all of my problems. It was the best 136.00 dollars I have ever spent. besides the money I am going to spend on that tummy tuck and boob lift SOMEDAY!! I walked and walked and my girls loved it. I would often joke that the stroller was a lot nicer than my car and I didn't have to put gas in it!!
I took the girls for a really long walk one night in early October.I got home and asked Ralph to bring the stroller in the house,and off the porch while I put the girls to bed. I thought he did. And yes, Honey, I am STILL blaming YOU for this 5 years later! There was probably some game on, and he must not have heard me or has major wax build up in his ears or just ignored me. I am going to go with he ignored me.
The next morning I get the girls ready to go for a stroll and walk out to put them in the stroller, and there is no stroller ANYWHERE!!! I called Big Daddy (aka my husband) and asked him where it was. He hadn't a clue about what I was talking about. You have got to be kidding me! Someone stole my stroller. What the hell?
I called and reported it to the police. I thought for sure I would never see my Prozac on three wheels again. That brand of strollers are really expensive if you buy them from a store or order online. 350.00 dollars for a stroller was a little out of our price rang.
One of the last jobs my Dad did on my house was paint it. While he was painting it he took my house numbers down off of my house and threw them in the back pocket of my stroller so he could put them back on my house when he was finished painting. I guess he forgot. He had a few things on his mind.
Needless to say, I was annoyed and getting fatter day by day. I was so irritated about the whole situation. First, I was mad that someone had the audacity to come on to my property and take something of mine that meant so much to me. Didn't they know my Dad was dying of cancer and I needed that stroller so I could go to Christ Hosptial and push my girls up to visit their Papa who was staying in the Oncology floor a week at a time getting treatments!? It was also such a great therapy for me to be able to walk and think and get all of my frustrations out about whole situation. I was pissed!
Fast forward to Halloween. My girls (still) would rather give out candy than go trick or treating. They love seeing all of the costumes. When it is trick or treat in Bellevue, people drop their kids off by the car loads. It is insane. Hundreds walk the streets in their costumes for candy. Ralph and I are sitting on the steps handing out candy when this toothless wonder, and her boyfriend that looks like he hasn't bathed in a century come up to our house pushing MY STROLLER trick or treating with their kids! It's a double stroller, remember. Somewhere, they missed math and a few other things in life because there were 7 kids in my stroller. 4 on the top of the sun visor and 3 in the actual stroller. I, played it cool,kind of! I asked the girl where she got her stroller. "Walmart." She replied quickly with her nasty cigarette dangling from her mouth. "They don't sell them at Walmart." I said. My heart was about pounding out of my chest. "They don't?" Toothless Wonder questioned."You got it off my front porch." I said.I could have peed my pants I was so nervous. What a dumb ass. If you are going to steal someones belongings, don't trick or treat their house with the item you stole! Toothless wonder decides to start walking away from my house.She was looking pretty nervous. Big Daddy was on the phone with the police following Toothless Wonder and her boyfriend down the street while they kept trick or treating with their kids. Poor kids!! The police show up and start questioning. Big Daddy tells them that our house number is in the back pocket of the stroller. What do you know? The police pull out my house number! Supposedly, Unbathed Boyfriend bought the stroller for Toothless Wonder from someone in their housing unit that stole the stroller from my house. The police look up the guy's name they gave and he's incarcerated for burglary! Imagine that!!
Next thing I see is Big Daddy walking through the crowd gathered around, with my stroller! You have got to be kidding me! I think God was afraid I was going to go off the deep end so he was able to have my stroller rescued!! I was elated! After all the crappy things that life was throwing at us, finally, a little thing that made a huge difference in my daily life and waist line was positive!
That night we brought the stroller in our house, and had to take it outside to the back porch because it had to be aired out. It reeked of cigarettes and pot! Big Daddy babysat my stroller for me for a couple of hours. We weren't going to have a repeat of the ordeal twice!
I still use my stroller almost everyday! It has been my therapy and saving grace a lot of the time! This Momma is happy!!
Monday, April 4, 2011
The Wrecking Crew~
Growing up in a household of boys, I thought I was completely destined to have all boys. I never imagined I would have girls.EVER! I do enjoy my girls. Also, I enjoy watching them interact as sisters. The whole sister"let me scream at the top of my lungs at my sissy who has my favorite barbie ,even though it really is my sissy's barbie, but I am gonna scream anyway until I get it back" is completely forgein to me. My brothers would just punch the crap out of each other and that was that. Problem solved. No hair being pulled and no cat clawing going on, just a good old fashioned knock out. And I don't even think my parents knew about half of the boxing matches that went on,unless they broke something or a body part.
My Mom went back to school when my youngest brother, Philip was in 1st grade. Up until my mom went back to college she would babysit at our house.It took her 5 years to graduate with her RN. She did all of this with 4 kids and a husband. Pretty impressive, right? For sure!
My Mom landed a job as a Labor and Delivery Nurse at the local hospital by our house. It was the first day of her job, and she left me in charge of the boys. The most exciting thing is, is that I got my license the day before ! Finally!!! FREEDOM!! My Dad had gotten me a Plymoth Sundance(nuns used to drive these cars) at the local dump,I think. He bought it for 400.00 and I thought it was perfect! We didn't have two pennies to rub together, so this was a HUGE deal! Back to me, being in charge. So, Mom leaves me in charge. If I remember correctly, Clay (brother # 2 out of 3) and Philip(brother#3 of 3) start getting into a fight, about Lord knows what. The next thing I know,Clay pushes Philip back and Philip cracks his head on the corner of the brick fireplace. And then the blood starts squirting on the grey carpet. OMG! Thank goodness my bro's had gotten stitches more than a few times, so I knew to put pressure on the open, gapping wound. Well, it wouldn't stop bleeding and Philip was crying for my Mom and Clay was crying not because Philip was hurt, but because he had to face my Mom and Dad, and I was crying because of the whole thing. I tell Philip we are going to have to go to the ER. He is competlely flipping out. I just learned how to drive and have to rush my brother to the ER. God, help me! Please!!! We finally get there, and my nerves are a bit shaken. I was under 18 they needed to have an adult to consent for him to be seen. Oh geez! "Page my Mom, I guess." I said. The chick at the ER desk asked me where she was."First day of orentation for the Birthing Center." The ER chick just laughed. "This will be good!" She said. They page my Mom and she comes running like a bat out of hell to Philip 's rescue. "Whoops!"Is all I can say"Oh, and they don't listen." I add.
She wasn't mad at me. Thank goodness. After all, I didn't wreck on the way there and I took care of her baby boy. After that, when all of them would fight, I would just bust out the broom. Word to the wise,it is a great weapon when breaking up fights between your brothers. They knew I meant business!! And I would remind them,about Philip's stitches.
My Mom always says to us, "If you don't have the love and support of your siblings and you if can't lean on them, who can you lean on? Believe it or not, they will be your best friends and you will need them some day."
I don't think we would realize how true that quote from our Mom was to us, until my Dad got sick. I do know that I have the best brothers in the whole world. Sometimes it takes a tragedy to make a unit stronger. I think we have always been a strong family unit,but we are a unbreakable , unshakable unit now! Thank goodness for my brothers!
My Mom went back to school when my youngest brother, Philip was in 1st grade. Up until my mom went back to college she would babysit at our house.It took her 5 years to graduate with her RN. She did all of this with 4 kids and a husband. Pretty impressive, right? For sure!
My Mom landed a job as a Labor and Delivery Nurse at the local hospital by our house. It was the first day of her job, and she left me in charge of the boys. The most exciting thing is, is that I got my license the day before ! Finally!!! FREEDOM!! My Dad had gotten me a Plymoth Sundance(nuns used to drive these cars) at the local dump,I think. He bought it for 400.00 and I thought it was perfect! We didn't have two pennies to rub together, so this was a HUGE deal! Back to me, being in charge. So, Mom leaves me in charge. If I remember correctly, Clay (brother # 2 out of 3) and Philip(brother#3 of 3) start getting into a fight, about Lord knows what. The next thing I know,Clay pushes Philip back and Philip cracks his head on the corner of the brick fireplace. And then the blood starts squirting on the grey carpet. OMG! Thank goodness my bro's had gotten stitches more than a few times, so I knew to put pressure on the open, gapping wound. Well, it wouldn't stop bleeding and Philip was crying for my Mom and Clay was crying not because Philip was hurt, but because he had to face my Mom and Dad, and I was crying because of the whole thing. I tell Philip we are going to have to go to the ER. He is competlely flipping out. I just learned how to drive and have to rush my brother to the ER. God, help me! Please!!! We finally get there, and my nerves are a bit shaken. I was under 18 they needed to have an adult to consent for him to be seen. Oh geez! "Page my Mom, I guess." I said. The chick at the ER desk asked me where she was."First day of orentation for the Birthing Center." The ER chick just laughed. "This will be good!" She said. They page my Mom and she comes running like a bat out of hell to Philip 's rescue. "Whoops!"Is all I can say"Oh, and they don't listen." I add.
She wasn't mad at me. Thank goodness. After all, I didn't wreck on the way there and I took care of her baby boy. After that, when all of them would fight, I would just bust out the broom. Word to the wise,it is a great weapon when breaking up fights between your brothers. They knew I meant business!! And I would remind them,about Philip's stitches.
My Mom always says to us, "If you don't have the love and support of your siblings and you if can't lean on them, who can you lean on? Believe it or not, they will be your best friends and you will need them some day."
I don't think we would realize how true that quote from our Mom was to us, until my Dad got sick. I do know that I have the best brothers in the whole world. Sometimes it takes a tragedy to make a unit stronger. I think we have always been a strong family unit,but we are a unbreakable , unshakable unit now! Thank goodness for my brothers!
Monday, March 28, 2011
Body After Babies
It should totally be against the genetics gods to be 5 foot tall and have a 9.5 pound breech baby that is 20.5 inches long in the middle of summer, may I add. I think if you are a short,petite person, you should have a tiny little healthy baby. I think that sounds PERFECT!
A couple of months ago I was changing my shirt in my bedroom, when Ella came in. " Mom, what are those shiny silver and purple things all over your belly?" She has seen me change my shirt a million times, and she is just now noticing this? How in the world do I answer this? "Well, my belly was really small and flat(ahh memories) before Jesus decided to put you in my belly. Jesus knew what he was doing when he made my skin. He must have known that he was going to make you a little chunker so he gave me a whole lotta skin. He stretched it way out and then I think he forgot to give my skin(and muscles) memory to go back to where they were before you were born." I said remembering those size 2 jeans I once wore. Ella sat there really thinking hard."Mom, He knew he was going to give you more kids, That's why He didn't give your skin a memory! I guess Jesus gave you those stripes to decorate your belly because He wanted to let you know I was about to be born.I hope Jesus does the same thing for me someday when I am about to have a baby. I wonder what color he will decorate my zebra stripes. I think I am going to name my first daughter Taylor(after Taylor Swift) and my second daughter Juliette. What do you think?" I about busted the button(not too hard to do) off of my jeans laughing. " Exactly, Ella Why didn't I think of that?!" I asked." Because, Mom, sometimes Moms don't know everything." She answered. And there is was. Even though I struggle with the way my body after babies look, my kids could careless. They look at my really deep and really wide stretch marks as a cool badge of honor. Even though that can ease my brain and eyeballs a bit, I still think it should be completely illegal to look like Kate Gosselin's stomach after she had her sextuplets. I didn't have the pleasure of carrying 6 babies at once,just 1. I also want to pass a law(haha) that every mother should be able to have a tummy tuck and boob lift/job after they have kids. Oh and your insurance should pay for it! I begged my doctor after my c-section with Jonathan to make that "oops! He accidentally just gave me a tummy tuck,not on purpose after my C-section incision." It's not fair to have to pick up your boobs off of your sagging stomach and roll them up into your bra! For goodness sake my nickname was Triple A and it wasn't after the batteries. I was without a doubt on the itty bitty titty committee. Oh, but then for some reason the boobs became bigger than my kid's head while breastfeeding! Then to top that off, they deflate and sag when you are finished weaning a baby! Oh well! The price I have paid to have beautiful ,healthy children and a husband, who thankfully, has horrible eye sight and a crappy memory of pre baby body!
A couple of months ago I was changing my shirt in my bedroom, when Ella came in. " Mom, what are those shiny silver and purple things all over your belly?" She has seen me change my shirt a million times, and she is just now noticing this? How in the world do I answer this? "Well, my belly was really small and flat(ahh memories) before Jesus decided to put you in my belly. Jesus knew what he was doing when he made my skin. He must have known that he was going to make you a little chunker so he gave me a whole lotta skin. He stretched it way out and then I think he forgot to give my skin(and muscles) memory to go back to where they were before you were born." I said remembering those size 2 jeans I once wore. Ella sat there really thinking hard."Mom, He knew he was going to give you more kids, That's why He didn't give your skin a memory! I guess Jesus gave you those stripes to decorate your belly because He wanted to let you know I was about to be born.I hope Jesus does the same thing for me someday when I am about to have a baby. I wonder what color he will decorate my zebra stripes. I think I am going to name my first daughter Taylor(after Taylor Swift) and my second daughter Juliette. What do you think?" I about busted the button(not too hard to do) off of my jeans laughing. " Exactly, Ella Why didn't I think of that?!" I asked." Because, Mom, sometimes Moms don't know everything." She answered. And there is was. Even though I struggle with the way my body after babies look, my kids could careless. They look at my really deep and really wide stretch marks as a cool badge of honor. Even though that can ease my brain and eyeballs a bit, I still think it should be completely illegal to look like Kate Gosselin's stomach after she had her sextuplets. I didn't have the pleasure of carrying 6 babies at once,just 1. I also want to pass a law(haha) that every mother should be able to have a tummy tuck and boob lift/job after they have kids. Oh and your insurance should pay for it! I begged my doctor after my c-section with Jonathan to make that "oops! He accidentally just gave me a tummy tuck,not on purpose after my C-section incision." It's not fair to have to pick up your boobs off of your sagging stomach and roll them up into your bra! For goodness sake my nickname was Triple A and it wasn't after the batteries. I was without a doubt on the itty bitty titty committee. Oh, but then for some reason the boobs became bigger than my kid's head while breastfeeding! Then to top that off, they deflate and sag when you are finished weaning a baby! Oh well! The price I have paid to have beautiful ,healthy children and a husband, who thankfully, has horrible eye sight and a crappy memory of pre baby body!
Sunday, March 27, 2011
My April Baby
Leah came into this world screaming on a chilly April day, and hasn't backed down since! This little girl has the strongest personality. She might be the funniest kid I have ever met. I mean, I did give birth to her, and Ralph is her father so I guess there really isn't much of an option but, to be hysterical in many ways.
Lee Lee is about to turn 6. I can't believe it! She and I go head to head A LOT!Probably because we are way too much alike. But, she is also the first of my 3 kids to run to me and hug me or sit on my lap and tell me how much she loves me or missed me while I was at work! She has this extreme talent of crossing her eyes while squirting tears from them. Its pretty gross,actually. The reaction she gets from people makes her do it all the more!
The picture above, is the first time Leah had her bangs cut off.She has sported this do,not once but twice. First, Ella cut her bangs off. I will never forget it, because I thought I was going to have a flippin heart attack. I was on the phone with the doctor's office because Ella needed to be seen for strep throat, again!Ella was 3 and Leah was 2 at the time. They were in my living room and I was in the kitchen. Ella comes in the kitchen and tells me she needs a pen to write her name on a paper. My back was turned away from her so I didn't actually see her grab"the pen."I didn't know that I had sewing scissors in the pen can. Guess what happens next? You guessed it! Ella grabbed the scissors and quietly went into the living room. I got off the phone with the doctor's office and went into the other room to get the girls ready to see Dr. Joan.They were both so good while I was on the phone. They were side by side on the couch when I walked in. And there it was...beautiful blond hair all over Leah's lap. I looked at Ella with the scissors in her hand and my bald daughter sitting next to her and thought I was going to scream. "You have got to be kidding me! " I yelled. Ella's reply" I think Leah looks beautiful,Mom!" Leah had the biggest smile across her face and Ella was proud of her chop job. It felt like a buzz when I ran my hand over the front of her head. The worst part of it all was I had to take them to the doctor's office . I brought them in and Dr. Joan just started laughing and asking"Leah, who took the hedge trimmers to you?" Ella of course, proud of her work said"I did!!" Dr. Joan just told me to go buy a bunch of huge bows and stick them in front to hide the buzz. We did, for a good year and a half!
So, I lectured them over the years about why you don't cut other people's hair and you have to have a license, like me, to be able to do it. I never said they were good listeners. Let's fast forward 3 years. It's the week before Leah is about to start Kindergarten. A new school, new friends and a new teacher was very intimidating for her. She keeps telling me that she's not going to Kindergarten and she would much rather go back to preschool. I thought it would maybe get her in the mood for school if we went and got school supplies . We came home from shopping and she wanted to go play barbies upstairs in her room. Fine with me! I was sick of her whining about not wanting to go to school anyway. While it was quiet,I decide to rock Jonathan to sleep. About 15 minutes later Leah comes downstairs , smiling. I look up at her and the entire right side of her bangs is cut off. She only has a straggly strand of blond hair left on her forehead. Perfect for a comb over. I flipped out! " Who cut your hair?" She totally played dumb."What are you talking about?" Leah said with that little grin on her face. "Umm ...all of your hair is gone in the front. And I know, it didn't just disappear." I reply. "Ella did it!" She cries. "Again?!! " My voice a little outraged. I am pissed at this point. I yell up the stairs to Ella (who is supposed to be watching a movie in my bed) to get her butt down the stairs very quickly. Oh, and did I mention my baby isn't sleeping baby anymore? Ella comes running down the steps and takes one look at Leah's hair and says"Nice hair, weirdo! Why did you cut your hair off?" Leah's reply" If you think my hair looks bad, you should see my Barbie's hair!" Yep, bald barbies, and barbie hair everywhere all over the floor of their room. I still from time to time find barbie hair hidden while I am vacuuming. And I finally found the big chunk of Leah's hair under the rug in her room.
The first day of Kindergarten, we walk in and see another little girl with the same hair do. Her teacher just laughs and says she sees this hair style quite often with her students. Leah was also the flower girl in my brother 's wedding 9 days later and my sister in law's wedding 4 weeks later.Thank goodness I am a hairdresser!
Leah is my best helper, but cutest(most of the time) challenge. When I think she can't top the last stunt she pulled, she tops it! Just the other day, my cousin Beth called me. Leah answers the phone. Beth asks to speak to me. Leah says"Hold on just minute." A few seconds later Leah gets back on the phone and says"Hi! This is Bridget." Beth starts cracking up laughing. She's already trying to impersonate me on the phone.I wonder what she is going to forge with my signature on it later in life?
As, I type she is serving me lunch ,left over manicotti at Leah's Chinese restaurant. My meal is complete with toilet paper napkins and a plastic fork,but I wouldn't have it any other way from my April baby!
Friday, March 25, 2011
Be Jealous
I bet I am the only 30 year old you know that drives a Grand Marquise. Everyone else I see that drives this car usually has a handicap sticker dangling from their rear view mirror and is at the minimum age of 75. That's probably why my friends say I need an old lady long cigarette and mixed drink in my hand while driving and I would fit perfectly in the old lady car. It's a total grandma car.In fact, it was my Grandma's car.
Let me tell you how I acquired this lovely silver beast also known as "The Marg Mobile". My Grandma(God love her) thought that she was perfectly fine to drive. Who cares if she couldn't't remember the day of the week or see the television 5 feet in front of her. She had her independence, damn it, and she was going to keep it.
Grandma is slick. She thought she was going to pull a few things over on us. First, she ordered a silver can of paint from the dealership so that she could touch up any "dings" that would occur. What dealership does that? I think dealerships that know they are selling a bunch of old lady cars.You know, like when someone would pull up next to her beast(car) in the parking lot at Kroger and open their car door and hit her car. It had nothing to do with the fact that she side swiped her house a few times pulling in and out of the garage or that one time she ran over her brand new red lawn mower and hid it in her barn. She would just bust out the can of paint and throw the paint on the part that was scratched or the chunk that was missing from the bumper. Silver paint fixes all. Especially, when She didn't actually paint it. She just kind of guessed where the spot was that was hit and sort of threw it on her car. Hence the reason why I drive around a car with silver streaks all over it. Oh well! She was being creative!
Let's rewind a bit here. Remember how I said there was a red lawn mower that had been hit and hid in the barn? She lives on 4 acres. Cutting the grass has always been a monumental event to her. She loved cutting the grass. So,after Grandpa died my cousins and I would go out and help her get all the grass cut. We used just the regular lawn mower while she was on the tractor cutting. She needed a new push mower, so at her command, Grandma got a new mower. It was red, shiny and very nice and expensive. After she got her new mower she had been complaining to my Dad that her old mower's wheel was off."You have to have 2 mowers to cut my yard. I just won't work without 2 mowers." She said. Can you say A-Typical personality? So, my Mom and Dad asked a friend that fixes lawn mowers to come take a look. It was a Sunday evening and I was in charge of bringing out Grandma dinner that night. I was at her house when Mr.Rolf came. I directed him down to the barn and told him the old mower was down there. After about a half an hour he comes back up from the barn and has this confused look on his face. He says" There is no wheel missing from any mower.Did you mean the red mower with the tarp covering it?"
I told him that that mower was brand new and there shouldn't be anything wrong with it. Grandma just paid an arm and a leg to get it.Her German personality will come out if something is wrong with her precious mower. Mr Rolf continued" Well, the red mower looks like it has been run over by something." Oh shit! I new it before he even finished the rest of the sentence what he was going to say. " Does she still drive?" He asked. "Uh huh." I answered. I took him into the garage where the Marg Mobile(my Granny's name is Marguerite. This is what my brothers and I call her car) was parked. There is no red paint on the outside of the car. And then he laid down on the garage floor and looked up under the car and sure enough red paint!! Apparently ,she must have backed over the lawn mower after the first time using it and flattened it like a pancake. Then, I guess she figured out that she hit it, and somehow got the mower down to the barn and hid it under a plastic tarp. Out of sight, out of mind , right?
Mr. Rolf couldn't fix it. Imagine that. And when we asked Grandma about it, she had "no idea" what we were talking about.
At that point, The Marg Mobile needed to be out of her sight. Ralph (my husband) had just had to trade in his company work car, which made us down a car. So I asked Grandma if we could borrow her car. Of course she said yes. Our true intentions were to borrow it, but after we returned it we had to borrow it again because she hit the side of her house and cracked some of the brick. So, we borrowed it for good. It wasn't safe for her anymore.
I bet you didn't know that you can fit 3 car seats comfortably in the back seat my car? Yep, you can! And I bet you didn't know that I can park crooked in a parking spot and no one even think twice because my car looks like it has been beaten to hell and back and most people probably think...aww that poor little old lady can't park, but at least she is trying to keep her independence. Oh , and my car only had 26,000 miles on it when I got it. And the most important thing of all, that Ralph constantly reminds me of when I bitch (but I am still grateful to have her car) that I drive an old lady mobile is that The Marg Mobile is payed off. BE JEALOUS! I KNOW YOU ARE!! HAHA!!!!
Let me tell you how I acquired this lovely silver beast also known as "The Marg Mobile". My Grandma(God love her) thought that she was perfectly fine to drive. Who cares if she couldn't't remember the day of the week or see the television 5 feet in front of her. She had her independence, damn it, and she was going to keep it.
Grandma is slick. She thought she was going to pull a few things over on us. First, she ordered a silver can of paint from the dealership so that she could touch up any "dings" that would occur. What dealership does that? I think dealerships that know they are selling a bunch of old lady cars.You know, like when someone would pull up next to her beast(car) in the parking lot at Kroger and open their car door and hit her car. It had nothing to do with the fact that she side swiped her house a few times pulling in and out of the garage or that one time she ran over her brand new red lawn mower and hid it in her barn. She would just bust out the can of paint and throw the paint on the part that was scratched or the chunk that was missing from the bumper. Silver paint fixes all. Especially, when She didn't actually paint it. She just kind of guessed where the spot was that was hit and sort of threw it on her car. Hence the reason why I drive around a car with silver streaks all over it. Oh well! She was being creative!
Let's rewind a bit here. Remember how I said there was a red lawn mower that had been hit and hid in the barn? She lives on 4 acres. Cutting the grass has always been a monumental event to her. She loved cutting the grass. So,after Grandpa died my cousins and I would go out and help her get all the grass cut. We used just the regular lawn mower while she was on the tractor cutting. She needed a new push mower, so at her command, Grandma got a new mower. It was red, shiny and very nice and expensive. After she got her new mower she had been complaining to my Dad that her old mower's wheel was off."You have to have 2 mowers to cut my yard. I just won't work without 2 mowers." She said. Can you say A-Typical personality? So, my Mom and Dad asked a friend that fixes lawn mowers to come take a look. It was a Sunday evening and I was in charge of bringing out Grandma dinner that night. I was at her house when Mr.Rolf came. I directed him down to the barn and told him the old mower was down there. After about a half an hour he comes back up from the barn and has this confused look on his face. He says" There is no wheel missing from any mower.Did you mean the red mower with the tarp covering it?"
I told him that that mower was brand new and there shouldn't be anything wrong with it. Grandma just paid an arm and a leg to get it.Her German personality will come out if something is wrong with her precious mower. Mr Rolf continued" Well, the red mower looks like it has been run over by something." Oh shit! I new it before he even finished the rest of the sentence what he was going to say. " Does she still drive?" He asked. "Uh huh." I answered. I took him into the garage where the Marg Mobile(my Granny's name is Marguerite. This is what my brothers and I call her car) was parked. There is no red paint on the outside of the car. And then he laid down on the garage floor and looked up under the car and sure enough red paint!! Apparently ,she must have backed over the lawn mower after the first time using it and flattened it like a pancake. Then, I guess she figured out that she hit it, and somehow got the mower down to the barn and hid it under a plastic tarp. Out of sight, out of mind , right?
Mr. Rolf couldn't fix it. Imagine that. And when we asked Grandma about it, she had "no idea" what we were talking about.
At that point, The Marg Mobile needed to be out of her sight. Ralph (my husband) had just had to trade in his company work car, which made us down a car. So I asked Grandma if we could borrow her car. Of course she said yes. Our true intentions were to borrow it, but after we returned it we had to borrow it again because she hit the side of her house and cracked some of the brick. So, we borrowed it for good. It wasn't safe for her anymore.
I bet you didn't know that you can fit 3 car seats comfortably in the back seat my car? Yep, you can! And I bet you didn't know that I can park crooked in a parking spot and no one even think twice because my car looks like it has been beaten to hell and back and most people probably think...aww that poor little old lady can't park, but at least she is trying to keep her independence. Oh , and my car only had 26,000 miles on it when I got it. And the most important thing of all, that Ralph constantly reminds me of when I bitch (but I am still grateful to have her car) that I drive an old lady mobile is that The Marg Mobile is payed off. BE JEALOUS! I KNOW YOU ARE!! HAHA!!!!
Monday, March 21, 2011
4,000 -Something to THINK about!
Good Evening! I know that all of my blogs so far have been funny .Occasionally, I do have a serious side. This is my daughter Ella. She is 7 1/2 yrs old. She is one of my most treasured gifts in life. I thank God for her everyday. She is also one of the biggest surprises in my life. Ella came at a time in my life when many exciting plans were going on. And well, Ella, by far, wasn't part of my plan. I had just gotten engaged ,bought my little ,tiny , expensive wedding dress,booked a hall, and most importantly booked the church. A baby wasn't in the immediate plan.
I can remember the day I found out I was pregnant like it was yesterday. I just turned 22 and was already 12 weeks pregnant. It still really bothers me that I acted so selfishly. I cried and cried and cried for 2 hours driving the 275 loop . I will never forget what Ralph said to me while driving in the car,"Well, what are we gonna do ?" My response" What do you mean, what are we going to do? We are going to have a baby. That's what we are going to do. What else would we do?" For a split second, I could see where a women make a quick "fix it " decision to have an abortion. Your mind races. You think your life is totally over, when in reality it is just beginning. You are about to receive the best gift anyone can receive. I could have had an abortion. Nobody would have known except Ralph and I. Secret safe, right? An abortion would have made my life easier. My wedding perfect.No 4 month old at my wedding. Right? WRONG!! COMPLETELY WRONG!!!
At the time, I thought getting pregnant before I was married was the worst thing that could have ever happened to me. Little did I know the path God had ahead for my family. It was a rough path. My Dad was diagnosed with A-Typical Melanoma when Ella was 19 months old. In fact, it was the day my Leah was born. Nothing like having a baby and having your Dad diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer on the same day. And the next day, my Mom had to come into my hospital room and tell me my 14 year old cousin , Hannah had thyroid cancer that metastasized to her lung.
During my Dad's chemo treatments my Dad would tell my Mom that Ella and Leah were his best medicine. They kept him going. They made him want to live. They made him want to beat cancer. He even showed a picture of my kids to his oncologist and said "You have to cure me so I can see them grow up. They need their Papa." His little Lee Lee Ryan and Ella Rose. His shortcakes. He couldn't battle for his life without them.
So here it is. Take it, or leave it. I could have ended Ella's life because I "wasn't ready "for her to enter this world. She wouldn't have fit in my initial plan. But, not having her here would have been the biggest mistake of my life. Even though my Dad lost his battle to cancer 19 short months after he was diagnosed I know my daughters made those horrific 19 months easier on him. They gave him hope. They helped him battle for his life. And I know, he was truly grateful for that.
Today, when I was driving up to NCC to get tickets for the play that Ella is in and I saw all the crosses, (she was singing at the top of her lungs in my back seat) I couldn't help but pull over say a prayer with her and give gratitude to God for giving me my children. How lucky am I? If only everyone could chose life. What a beautiful world this would be! SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT!
"A person's a person,no matter how small." -Dr. Seuss
Sunday, March 20, 2011
WHEN YA GOTTA GO......YA GOTTA GO!!!
Alright, so I have had many people ask me the past few days about "the poop story". They want to hear it. Do I want to tell it? Well ok, but, it is by far , the most embarressing thing that has ever happened to me (besides not wearing underwear to St. Thomas's Nativity play at the age of 3 and peeing my pants in 2nd grade.)
First, let me set up my little day for you. I am diabetic, and had to have the normal, run of the mill,12 hour fasting blood test. Let me tell you, I absolutely DREAD this. Keeping food away from me for 12 long hours is like keeping milk away from a baby. So, I wake up, to low blood sugar(of course) and a down pour of rain. I had plans to meet one of my oldest and dearest friends for breakfast at Frisches at 9:00. I didn't realize my little blood test was going to be 36 viles later. By the time I got out of Christ Hospital, I was starving and shakey. Jonathan(my 2 yr old) and I finally arrive at Frisches and hop into the booth with my friend, Sara. We hit up the breakfast bar, and Jonathan sees these big trucks across the street. So naturally, he wants to watch them. I am fine with that. Nobody is sitting around us, and we are about 10 ft away,so I let him go stand and look out the window. He is being so good(which never happens in public places) and of course I am shoveling the food in as fast as my little mouth will open. He walks over to me and says "Mom, I poop." He has been telling me this when he does one or the other. I pull his pants out and look down to find a shiney little hiney. Thats right, no diaper is on his butt. I say to Sara"Oh, shit! Did I forget to put a diaper on him this morning? " Remember ,I haven't had anything to eat in 12 flippin hours and am a little more coo coo than normal. I feel down his leg and find the diaper wrapped around his leg, completely dry. I tell Sara I am going to take him in the bathroom to make him sit on the potty. I get him in the bathroom and go to pull down his pants and there is the poop, all over his legs all in his socks and toes. Completely gross!!! I start scrubbing him down with Frisches hand soap that smells like an old woman's perfume and paper towels. So, now all my child has on is a diaper and bengals jersey. Since he is the third child , he is neglected! Ha! You would think I would have learned by now to pack extra clothes, but nope! I can hear my Dad's voice in my head"Girl, when ya gonna learn?" Obviously , not anytime soon! We get all cleaned up and I ask the manager for a bag for the nasty clothes. He laughs and talks about his kids. I wouldn't be laughing too hard yet,buddy.
Finally, I go back to our booth ( my child,half naked) and Sara is still laughing at me. Of course, Jonathan sees the trucks again and wants to see them. Whatever! Go! We were waiting for our check anyway. He is over there 2 seconds and comes running back in his little Bengals jersey saying"Yucky Mommy! Yuck!" Holy shit! There is poop on his foot. Where the hell did this come from? I walk over to the window and there on the floor is a nice pile of poo! I am pretty sure the f bomb came out of my mouth. Imagine that! Sara is laughing so hard I think she is going to fall out of the booth. I go over with napkins to clean it up and can't get it up because it has the consistency of soft serve ice cream and is stuck in the groves of the carpet.OMG!!! You have got to be kidding me?!!! Come on God, give me a break!! Just once!! I promise I will be good!! Mortified, have to go back up to the laughing Manager and ask for a scrub brush and warm soapy water. I will clean up my own kids poo! Well, guess what? Its against the health department! The laughing manager has to clean it! There he goes with his rubber gloves,brush, and warm soapy water. The next thing I hear is "Girls, rope of the dining area, and call Stanley Steamer." I think we made our mark at Fort Thomas Frisches.
Oh, and P.S. I totally forgot to tip our nice waiter because I was too busy scrubbing poo off Jonathan's body. I feel horrible, but I just can't bring myself to go back in there. They would probably all run like hell and play"paper,rock, scissors "to see who was going to wait on us.
Next time, I am going to a bar to drink , instead of eat, and I will be going without my children!
First, let me set up my little day for you. I am diabetic, and had to have the normal, run of the mill,12 hour fasting blood test. Let me tell you, I absolutely DREAD this. Keeping food away from me for 12 long hours is like keeping milk away from a baby. So, I wake up, to low blood sugar(of course) and a down pour of rain. I had plans to meet one of my oldest and dearest friends for breakfast at Frisches at 9:00. I didn't realize my little blood test was going to be 36 viles later. By the time I got out of Christ Hospital, I was starving and shakey. Jonathan(my 2 yr old) and I finally arrive at Frisches and hop into the booth with my friend, Sara. We hit up the breakfast bar, and Jonathan sees these big trucks across the street. So naturally, he wants to watch them. I am fine with that. Nobody is sitting around us, and we are about 10 ft away,so I let him go stand and look out the window. He is being so good(which never happens in public places) and of course I am shoveling the food in as fast as my little mouth will open. He walks over to me and says "Mom, I poop." He has been telling me this when he does one or the other. I pull his pants out and look down to find a shiney little hiney. Thats right, no diaper is on his butt. I say to Sara"Oh, shit! Did I forget to put a diaper on him this morning? " Remember ,I haven't had anything to eat in 12 flippin hours and am a little more coo coo than normal. I feel down his leg and find the diaper wrapped around his leg, completely dry. I tell Sara I am going to take him in the bathroom to make him sit on the potty. I get him in the bathroom and go to pull down his pants and there is the poop, all over his legs all in his socks and toes. Completely gross!!! I start scrubbing him down with Frisches hand soap that smells like an old woman's perfume and paper towels. So, now all my child has on is a diaper and bengals jersey. Since he is the third child , he is neglected! Ha! You would think I would have learned by now to pack extra clothes, but nope! I can hear my Dad's voice in my head"Girl, when ya gonna learn?" Obviously , not anytime soon! We get all cleaned up and I ask the manager for a bag for the nasty clothes. He laughs and talks about his kids. I wouldn't be laughing too hard yet,buddy.
Finally, I go back to our booth ( my child,half naked) and Sara is still laughing at me. Of course, Jonathan sees the trucks again and wants to see them. Whatever! Go! We were waiting for our check anyway. He is over there 2 seconds and comes running back in his little Bengals jersey saying"Yucky Mommy! Yuck!" Holy shit! There is poop on his foot. Where the hell did this come from? I walk over to the window and there on the floor is a nice pile of poo! I am pretty sure the f bomb came out of my mouth. Imagine that! Sara is laughing so hard I think she is going to fall out of the booth. I go over with napkins to clean it up and can't get it up because it has the consistency of soft serve ice cream and is stuck in the groves of the carpet.OMG!!! You have got to be kidding me?!!! Come on God, give me a break!! Just once!! I promise I will be good!! Mortified, have to go back up to the laughing Manager and ask for a scrub brush and warm soapy water. I will clean up my own kids poo! Well, guess what? Its against the health department! The laughing manager has to clean it! There he goes with his rubber gloves,brush, and warm soapy water. The next thing I hear is "Girls, rope of the dining area, and call Stanley Steamer." I think we made our mark at Fort Thomas Frisches.
Oh, and P.S. I totally forgot to tip our nice waiter because I was too busy scrubbing poo off Jonathan's body. I feel horrible, but I just can't bring myself to go back in there. They would probably all run like hell and play"paper,rock, scissors "to see who was going to wait on us.
Next time, I am going to a bar to drink , instead of eat, and I will be going without my children!
Friday, March 18, 2011
SOUND THE ALARM!!!
Whew! Today,so far, has been a day!!! My lil darlings are off school. So, I decided We should do something fun! Quite honestly, I just didn't feel like cleaning my palace or its throne and listening to the prince and princesses whine about how mean I am for making them clean! So off to the Cincinnati Museum Center we go. It started out great. We went to the Natural History Museum , which my kids loved . Then, we decided to hit the dreaded beloved Children's Museum. And there, in the middle of the balls center my Jonathan decided to karate chop and Asian child. So, being a responsible parent(ha!ha!) I decide to go up to the Asian child's parents to apologize,only to realize they don't speak English. What the hell? I thought every Asian was brilliant and spoke multiple languages. After I am finished apologizing to the Asians( they keep smiling at me while their kid is screaming in front of them pointing to Jonathan) Leah heads over to the playhouse. And there, the infamous "let me pee my pants and not tell my Mom "happened. Only, did I realize that she peed her pants when she started walking like a penguin because not only are her underwear and pants wet, but her socks are too. So I haul all of them into the bathroom ,while I am drying her pants with the hand drier.Finally I get the pants dry and Leah has that "oh so natural" smell of urine to her. You are probably thinking" Why didn't you just leave?" I have the perfect answer: I am a complete cheap ass and just paid $32.00 for my family to get into the historical joint.
We finally venture back out into the chaos of the Children's Museum. My kids are having a great time playing, when Ella decides that she sees the cave area that she is going to explore.ALONE! She totally wandered away from me. I seriously thought my heart was going to pump out of my chest. Do you know how many pervs probably lurk in those museum centers? I am searching everywhere and can't find her for 10 minutes. I decide to go to the front desk and tell them that ultimately, I lost my kid. They call a code 3 and don't let anyone out or in of the Children's Museum until she is found. Thank goodness she freaked out when she tried to come back and find me and had a meltdown when I was nowhere to be found. Sometimes,meltdowns can be good things! Remember that!
We decide to leave the Children's Museum(yay!) and head to the History of Cincinnati Museum. Everyone was getting a little cranky at that point and I felt like a rung out washcloth. We are getting ready to leave and Leah is running and takes a face plant on the carpet. She starts screaming. I scoop her up in one arm,while pushing the stroller with the other hand, and trying to keep an eye on my escape victim(Ella Rose) walking in front of me.I decided we got our 32.00 worth of a visit, which I could have spent on fast food and alcohol if I would have known how stressful this day would have been. With my hands full ,Ella goes to push the handicap door button and instead presses the fire alarm which was right next to it.And yes, we found out that they did change their batteries for their fire alarms when we had to spring forward. Ouch!It was loud! SOUND THE ALARM!! THIS MOMMA IS TOAST!
We finally venture back out into the chaos of the Children's Museum. My kids are having a great time playing, when Ella decides that she sees the cave area that she is going to explore.ALONE! She totally wandered away from me. I seriously thought my heart was going to pump out of my chest. Do you know how many pervs probably lurk in those museum centers? I am searching everywhere and can't find her for 10 minutes. I decide to go to the front desk and tell them that ultimately, I lost my kid. They call a code 3 and don't let anyone out or in of the Children's Museum until she is found. Thank goodness she freaked out when she tried to come back and find me and had a meltdown when I was nowhere to be found. Sometimes,meltdowns can be good things! Remember that!
We decide to leave the Children's Museum(yay!) and head to the History of Cincinnati Museum. Everyone was getting a little cranky at that point and I felt like a rung out washcloth. We are getting ready to leave and Leah is running and takes a face plant on the carpet. She starts screaming. I scoop her up in one arm,while pushing the stroller with the other hand, and trying to keep an eye on my escape victim(Ella Rose) walking in front of me.I decided we got our 32.00 worth of a visit, which I could have spent on fast food and alcohol if I would have known how stressful this day would have been. With my hands full ,Ella goes to push the handicap door button and instead presses the fire alarm which was right next to it.And yes, we found out that they did change their batteries for their fire alarms when we had to spring forward. Ouch!It was loud! SOUND THE ALARM!! THIS MOMMA IS TOAST!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
If Momma Ain't Happy,Ain't Nobody Happy: And You Thought You Had It Hard!
If Momma Ain't Happy,Ain't Nobody Happy: And You Thought You Had It Hard!: "So, this is the text message I just sent my Sister in Law 'Instead of writing my book, I am starting a blog. Then, maybe ,I will get up the ..."
And You Thought You Had It Hard!
So, this is the text message I just sent my Sister in Law "Instead of writing my book, I am starting a blog. Then, maybe ,I will get up the nerve to start writing a book."
Everyone tells me I should write a book. Apparently, my life with three kids and a husband is insanely hilarious! To me, I just muddle through it, not knowing any different. I think it has to be normal to have your child poo on the floor of a restaurant , during breakfast,while you are trying to catch up with a dear friend . (More to come on this story ! )And it has to be normal to have 2 flat tires in one week,all the while, while one of your kids has strep throat, one crying of a sore tailbone and the youngest of the bunch not sleeping, making me one deliriously crazy Mom! Oh, and did I mention I work part time as a hairdresser?
And You thought You had it hard?
Everyone tells me I should write a book. Apparently, my life with three kids and a husband is insanely hilarious! To me, I just muddle through it, not knowing any different. I think it has to be normal to have your child poo on the floor of a restaurant , during breakfast,while you are trying to catch up with a dear friend . (More to come on this story ! )And it has to be normal to have 2 flat tires in one week,all the while, while one of your kids has strep throat, one crying of a sore tailbone and the youngest of the bunch not sleeping, making me one deliriously crazy Mom! Oh, and did I mention I work part time as a hairdresser?
And You thought You had it hard?
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