It should totally be against the genetics gods to be 5 foot tall and have a 9.5 pound breech baby that is 20.5 inches long in the middle of summer, may I add. I think if you are a short,petite person, you should have a tiny little healthy baby. I think that sounds PERFECT!
A couple of months ago I was changing my shirt in my bedroom, when Ella came in. " Mom, what are those shiny silver and purple things all over your belly?" She has seen me change my shirt a million times, and she is just now noticing this? How in the world do I answer this? "Well, my belly was really small and flat(ahh memories) before Jesus decided to put you in my belly. Jesus knew what he was doing when he made my skin. He must have known that he was going to make you a little chunker so he gave me a whole lotta skin. He stretched it way out and then I think he forgot to give my skin(and muscles) memory to go back to where they were before you were born." I said remembering those size 2 jeans I once wore. Ella sat there really thinking hard."Mom, He knew he was going to give you more kids, That's why He didn't give your skin a memory! I guess Jesus gave you those stripes to decorate your belly because He wanted to let you know I was about to be born.I hope Jesus does the same thing for me someday when I am about to have a baby. I wonder what color he will decorate my zebra stripes. I think I am going to name my first daughter Taylor(after Taylor Swift) and my second daughter Juliette. What do you think?" I about busted the button(not too hard to do) off of my jeans laughing. " Exactly, Ella Why didn't I think of that?!" I asked." Because, Mom, sometimes Moms don't know everything." She answered. And there is was. Even though I struggle with the way my body after babies look, my kids could careless. They look at my really deep and really wide stretch marks as a cool badge of honor. Even though that can ease my brain and eyeballs a bit, I still think it should be completely illegal to look like Kate Gosselin's stomach after she had her sextuplets. I didn't have the pleasure of carrying 6 babies at once,just 1. I also want to pass a law(haha) that every mother should be able to have a tummy tuck and boob lift/job after they have kids. Oh and your insurance should pay for it! I begged my doctor after my c-section with Jonathan to make that "oops! He accidentally just gave me a tummy tuck,not on purpose after my C-section incision." It's not fair to have to pick up your boobs off of your sagging stomach and roll them up into your bra! For goodness sake my nickname was Triple A and it wasn't after the batteries. I was without a doubt on the itty bitty titty committee. Oh, but then for some reason the boobs became bigger than my kid's head while breastfeeding! Then to top that off, they deflate and sag when you are finished weaning a baby! Oh well! The price I have paid to have beautiful ,healthy children and a husband, who thankfully, has horrible eye sight and a crappy memory of pre baby body!
Monday, March 28, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
My April Baby
Leah came into this world screaming on a chilly April day, and hasn't backed down since! This little girl has the strongest personality. She might be the funniest kid I have ever met. I mean, I did give birth to her, and Ralph is her father so I guess there really isn't much of an option but, to be hysterical in many ways.
Lee Lee is about to turn 6. I can't believe it! She and I go head to head A LOT!Probably because we are way too much alike. But, she is also the first of my 3 kids to run to me and hug me or sit on my lap and tell me how much she loves me or missed me while I was at work! She has this extreme talent of crossing her eyes while squirting tears from them. Its pretty gross,actually. The reaction she gets from people makes her do it all the more!
The picture above, is the first time Leah had her bangs cut off.She has sported this do,not once but twice. First, Ella cut her bangs off. I will never forget it, because I thought I was going to have a flippin heart attack. I was on the phone with the doctor's office because Ella needed to be seen for strep throat, again!Ella was 3 and Leah was 2 at the time. They were in my living room and I was in the kitchen. Ella comes in the kitchen and tells me she needs a pen to write her name on a paper. My back was turned away from her so I didn't actually see her grab"the pen."I didn't know that I had sewing scissors in the pen can. Guess what happens next? You guessed it! Ella grabbed the scissors and quietly went into the living room. I got off the phone with the doctor's office and went into the other room to get the girls ready to see Dr. Joan.They were both so good while I was on the phone. They were side by side on the couch when I walked in. And there it was...beautiful blond hair all over Leah's lap. I looked at Ella with the scissors in her hand and my bald daughter sitting next to her and thought I was going to scream. "You have got to be kidding me! " I yelled. Ella's reply" I think Leah looks beautiful,Mom!" Leah had the biggest smile across her face and Ella was proud of her chop job. It felt like a buzz when I ran my hand over the front of her head. The worst part of it all was I had to take them to the doctor's office . I brought them in and Dr. Joan just started laughing and asking"Leah, who took the hedge trimmers to you?" Ella of course, proud of her work said"I did!!" Dr. Joan just told me to go buy a bunch of huge bows and stick them in front to hide the buzz. We did, for a good year and a half!
So, I lectured them over the years about why you don't cut other people's hair and you have to have a license, like me, to be able to do it. I never said they were good listeners. Let's fast forward 3 years. It's the week before Leah is about to start Kindergarten. A new school, new friends and a new teacher was very intimidating for her. She keeps telling me that she's not going to Kindergarten and she would much rather go back to preschool. I thought it would maybe get her in the mood for school if we went and got school supplies . We came home from shopping and she wanted to go play barbies upstairs in her room. Fine with me! I was sick of her whining about not wanting to go to school anyway. While it was quiet,I decide to rock Jonathan to sleep. About 15 minutes later Leah comes downstairs , smiling. I look up at her and the entire right side of her bangs is cut off. She only has a straggly strand of blond hair left on her forehead. Perfect for a comb over. I flipped out! " Who cut your hair?" She totally played dumb."What are you talking about?" Leah said with that little grin on her face. "Umm ...all of your hair is gone in the front. And I know, it didn't just disappear." I reply. "Ella did it!" She cries. "Again?!! " My voice a little outraged. I am pissed at this point. I yell up the stairs to Ella (who is supposed to be watching a movie in my bed) to get her butt down the stairs very quickly. Oh, and did I mention my baby isn't sleeping baby anymore? Ella comes running down the steps and takes one look at Leah's hair and says"Nice hair, weirdo! Why did you cut your hair off?" Leah's reply" If you think my hair looks bad, you should see my Barbie's hair!" Yep, bald barbies, and barbie hair everywhere all over the floor of their room. I still from time to time find barbie hair hidden while I am vacuuming. And I finally found the big chunk of Leah's hair under the rug in her room.
The first day of Kindergarten, we walk in and see another little girl with the same hair do. Her teacher just laughs and says she sees this hair style quite often with her students. Leah was also the flower girl in my brother 's wedding 9 days later and my sister in law's wedding 4 weeks later.Thank goodness I am a hairdresser!
Leah is my best helper, but cutest(most of the time) challenge. When I think she can't top the last stunt she pulled, she tops it! Just the other day, my cousin Beth called me. Leah answers the phone. Beth asks to speak to me. Leah says"Hold on just minute." A few seconds later Leah gets back on the phone and says"Hi! This is Bridget." Beth starts cracking up laughing. She's already trying to impersonate me on the phone.I wonder what she is going to forge with my signature on it later in life?
As, I type she is serving me lunch ,left over manicotti at Leah's Chinese restaurant. My meal is complete with toilet paper napkins and a plastic fork,but I wouldn't have it any other way from my April baby!
Friday, March 25, 2011
Be Jealous
I bet I am the only 30 year old you know that drives a Grand Marquise. Everyone else I see that drives this car usually has a handicap sticker dangling from their rear view mirror and is at the minimum age of 75. That's probably why my friends say I need an old lady long cigarette and mixed drink in my hand while driving and I would fit perfectly in the old lady car. It's a total grandma car.In fact, it was my Grandma's car.
Let me tell you how I acquired this lovely silver beast also known as "The Marg Mobile". My Grandma(God love her) thought that she was perfectly fine to drive. Who cares if she couldn't't remember the day of the week or see the television 5 feet in front of her. She had her independence, damn it, and she was going to keep it.
Grandma is slick. She thought she was going to pull a few things over on us. First, she ordered a silver can of paint from the dealership so that she could touch up any "dings" that would occur. What dealership does that? I think dealerships that know they are selling a bunch of old lady cars.You know, like when someone would pull up next to her beast(car) in the parking lot at Kroger and open their car door and hit her car. It had nothing to do with the fact that she side swiped her house a few times pulling in and out of the garage or that one time she ran over her brand new red lawn mower and hid it in her barn. She would just bust out the can of paint and throw the paint on the part that was scratched or the chunk that was missing from the bumper. Silver paint fixes all. Especially, when She didn't actually paint it. She just kind of guessed where the spot was that was hit and sort of threw it on her car. Hence the reason why I drive around a car with silver streaks all over it. Oh well! She was being creative!
Let's rewind a bit here. Remember how I said there was a red lawn mower that had been hit and hid in the barn? She lives on 4 acres. Cutting the grass has always been a monumental event to her. She loved cutting the grass. So,after Grandpa died my cousins and I would go out and help her get all the grass cut. We used just the regular lawn mower while she was on the tractor cutting. She needed a new push mower, so at her command, Grandma got a new mower. It was red, shiny and very nice and expensive. After she got her new mower she had been complaining to my Dad that her old mower's wheel was off."You have to have 2 mowers to cut my yard. I just won't work without 2 mowers." She said. Can you say A-Typical personality? So, my Mom and Dad asked a friend that fixes lawn mowers to come take a look. It was a Sunday evening and I was in charge of bringing out Grandma dinner that night. I was at her house when Mr.Rolf came. I directed him down to the barn and told him the old mower was down there. After about a half an hour he comes back up from the barn and has this confused look on his face. He says" There is no wheel missing from any mower.Did you mean the red mower with the tarp covering it?"
I told him that that mower was brand new and there shouldn't be anything wrong with it. Grandma just paid an arm and a leg to get it.Her German personality will come out if something is wrong with her precious mower. Mr Rolf continued" Well, the red mower looks like it has been run over by something." Oh shit! I new it before he even finished the rest of the sentence what he was going to say. " Does she still drive?" He asked. "Uh huh." I answered. I took him into the garage where the Marg Mobile(my Granny's name is Marguerite. This is what my brothers and I call her car) was parked. There is no red paint on the outside of the car. And then he laid down on the garage floor and looked up under the car and sure enough red paint!! Apparently ,she must have backed over the lawn mower after the first time using it and flattened it like a pancake. Then, I guess she figured out that she hit it, and somehow got the mower down to the barn and hid it under a plastic tarp. Out of sight, out of mind , right?
Mr. Rolf couldn't fix it. Imagine that. And when we asked Grandma about it, she had "no idea" what we were talking about.
At that point, The Marg Mobile needed to be out of her sight. Ralph (my husband) had just had to trade in his company work car, which made us down a car. So I asked Grandma if we could borrow her car. Of course she said yes. Our true intentions were to borrow it, but after we returned it we had to borrow it again because she hit the side of her house and cracked some of the brick. So, we borrowed it for good. It wasn't safe for her anymore.
I bet you didn't know that you can fit 3 car seats comfortably in the back seat my car? Yep, you can! And I bet you didn't know that I can park crooked in a parking spot and no one even think twice because my car looks like it has been beaten to hell and back and most people probably think...aww that poor little old lady can't park, but at least she is trying to keep her independence. Oh , and my car only had 26,000 miles on it when I got it. And the most important thing of all, that Ralph constantly reminds me of when I bitch (but I am still grateful to have her car) that I drive an old lady mobile is that The Marg Mobile is payed off. BE JEALOUS! I KNOW YOU ARE!! HAHA!!!!
Let me tell you how I acquired this lovely silver beast also known as "The Marg Mobile". My Grandma(God love her) thought that she was perfectly fine to drive. Who cares if she couldn't't remember the day of the week or see the television 5 feet in front of her. She had her independence, damn it, and she was going to keep it.
Grandma is slick. She thought she was going to pull a few things over on us. First, she ordered a silver can of paint from the dealership so that she could touch up any "dings" that would occur. What dealership does that? I think dealerships that know they are selling a bunch of old lady cars.You know, like when someone would pull up next to her beast(car) in the parking lot at Kroger and open their car door and hit her car. It had nothing to do with the fact that she side swiped her house a few times pulling in and out of the garage or that one time she ran over her brand new red lawn mower and hid it in her barn. She would just bust out the can of paint and throw the paint on the part that was scratched or the chunk that was missing from the bumper. Silver paint fixes all. Especially, when She didn't actually paint it. She just kind of guessed where the spot was that was hit and sort of threw it on her car. Hence the reason why I drive around a car with silver streaks all over it. Oh well! She was being creative!
Let's rewind a bit here. Remember how I said there was a red lawn mower that had been hit and hid in the barn? She lives on 4 acres. Cutting the grass has always been a monumental event to her. She loved cutting the grass. So,after Grandpa died my cousins and I would go out and help her get all the grass cut. We used just the regular lawn mower while she was on the tractor cutting. She needed a new push mower, so at her command, Grandma got a new mower. It was red, shiny and very nice and expensive. After she got her new mower she had been complaining to my Dad that her old mower's wheel was off."You have to have 2 mowers to cut my yard. I just won't work without 2 mowers." She said. Can you say A-Typical personality? So, my Mom and Dad asked a friend that fixes lawn mowers to come take a look. It was a Sunday evening and I was in charge of bringing out Grandma dinner that night. I was at her house when Mr.Rolf came. I directed him down to the barn and told him the old mower was down there. After about a half an hour he comes back up from the barn and has this confused look on his face. He says" There is no wheel missing from any mower.Did you mean the red mower with the tarp covering it?"
I told him that that mower was brand new and there shouldn't be anything wrong with it. Grandma just paid an arm and a leg to get it.Her German personality will come out if something is wrong with her precious mower. Mr Rolf continued" Well, the red mower looks like it has been run over by something." Oh shit! I new it before he even finished the rest of the sentence what he was going to say. " Does she still drive?" He asked. "Uh huh." I answered. I took him into the garage where the Marg Mobile(my Granny's name is Marguerite. This is what my brothers and I call her car) was parked. There is no red paint on the outside of the car. And then he laid down on the garage floor and looked up under the car and sure enough red paint!! Apparently ,she must have backed over the lawn mower after the first time using it and flattened it like a pancake. Then, I guess she figured out that she hit it, and somehow got the mower down to the barn and hid it under a plastic tarp. Out of sight, out of mind , right?
Mr. Rolf couldn't fix it. Imagine that. And when we asked Grandma about it, she had "no idea" what we were talking about.
At that point, The Marg Mobile needed to be out of her sight. Ralph (my husband) had just had to trade in his company work car, which made us down a car. So I asked Grandma if we could borrow her car. Of course she said yes. Our true intentions were to borrow it, but after we returned it we had to borrow it again because she hit the side of her house and cracked some of the brick. So, we borrowed it for good. It wasn't safe for her anymore.
I bet you didn't know that you can fit 3 car seats comfortably in the back seat my car? Yep, you can! And I bet you didn't know that I can park crooked in a parking spot and no one even think twice because my car looks like it has been beaten to hell and back and most people probably think...aww that poor little old lady can't park, but at least she is trying to keep her independence. Oh , and my car only had 26,000 miles on it when I got it. And the most important thing of all, that Ralph constantly reminds me of when I bitch (but I am still grateful to have her car) that I drive an old lady mobile is that The Marg Mobile is payed off. BE JEALOUS! I KNOW YOU ARE!! HAHA!!!!
Monday, March 21, 2011
4,000 -Something to THINK about!
Good Evening! I know that all of my blogs so far have been funny .Occasionally, I do have a serious side. This is my daughter Ella. She is 7 1/2 yrs old. She is one of my most treasured gifts in life. I thank God for her everyday. She is also one of the biggest surprises in my life. Ella came at a time in my life when many exciting plans were going on. And well, Ella, by far, wasn't part of my plan. I had just gotten engaged ,bought my little ,tiny , expensive wedding dress,booked a hall, and most importantly booked the church. A baby wasn't in the immediate plan.
I can remember the day I found out I was pregnant like it was yesterday. I just turned 22 and was already 12 weeks pregnant. It still really bothers me that I acted so selfishly. I cried and cried and cried for 2 hours driving the 275 loop . I will never forget what Ralph said to me while driving in the car,"Well, what are we gonna do ?" My response" What do you mean, what are we going to do? We are going to have a baby. That's what we are going to do. What else would we do?" For a split second, I could see where a women make a quick "fix it " decision to have an abortion. Your mind races. You think your life is totally over, when in reality it is just beginning. You are about to receive the best gift anyone can receive. I could have had an abortion. Nobody would have known except Ralph and I. Secret safe, right? An abortion would have made my life easier. My wedding perfect.No 4 month old at my wedding. Right? WRONG!! COMPLETELY WRONG!!!
At the time, I thought getting pregnant before I was married was the worst thing that could have ever happened to me. Little did I know the path God had ahead for my family. It was a rough path. My Dad was diagnosed with A-Typical Melanoma when Ella was 19 months old. In fact, it was the day my Leah was born. Nothing like having a baby and having your Dad diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer on the same day. And the next day, my Mom had to come into my hospital room and tell me my 14 year old cousin , Hannah had thyroid cancer that metastasized to her lung.
During my Dad's chemo treatments my Dad would tell my Mom that Ella and Leah were his best medicine. They kept him going. They made him want to live. They made him want to beat cancer. He even showed a picture of my kids to his oncologist and said "You have to cure me so I can see them grow up. They need their Papa." His little Lee Lee Ryan and Ella Rose. His shortcakes. He couldn't battle for his life without them.
So here it is. Take it, or leave it. I could have ended Ella's life because I "wasn't ready "for her to enter this world. She wouldn't have fit in my initial plan. But, not having her here would have been the biggest mistake of my life. Even though my Dad lost his battle to cancer 19 short months after he was diagnosed I know my daughters made those horrific 19 months easier on him. They gave him hope. They helped him battle for his life. And I know, he was truly grateful for that.
Today, when I was driving up to NCC to get tickets for the play that Ella is in and I saw all the crosses, (she was singing at the top of her lungs in my back seat) I couldn't help but pull over say a prayer with her and give gratitude to God for giving me my children. How lucky am I? If only everyone could chose life. What a beautiful world this would be! SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT!
"A person's a person,no matter how small." -Dr. Seuss
Sunday, March 20, 2011
WHEN YA GOTTA GO......YA GOTTA GO!!!
Alright, so I have had many people ask me the past few days about "the poop story". They want to hear it. Do I want to tell it? Well ok, but, it is by far , the most embarressing thing that has ever happened to me (besides not wearing underwear to St. Thomas's Nativity play at the age of 3 and peeing my pants in 2nd grade.)
First, let me set up my little day for you. I am diabetic, and had to have the normal, run of the mill,12 hour fasting blood test. Let me tell you, I absolutely DREAD this. Keeping food away from me for 12 long hours is like keeping milk away from a baby. So, I wake up, to low blood sugar(of course) and a down pour of rain. I had plans to meet one of my oldest and dearest friends for breakfast at Frisches at 9:00. I didn't realize my little blood test was going to be 36 viles later. By the time I got out of Christ Hospital, I was starving and shakey. Jonathan(my 2 yr old) and I finally arrive at Frisches and hop into the booth with my friend, Sara. We hit up the breakfast bar, and Jonathan sees these big trucks across the street. So naturally, he wants to watch them. I am fine with that. Nobody is sitting around us, and we are about 10 ft away,so I let him go stand and look out the window. He is being so good(which never happens in public places) and of course I am shoveling the food in as fast as my little mouth will open. He walks over to me and says "Mom, I poop." He has been telling me this when he does one or the other. I pull his pants out and look down to find a shiney little hiney. Thats right, no diaper is on his butt. I say to Sara"Oh, shit! Did I forget to put a diaper on him this morning? " Remember ,I haven't had anything to eat in 12 flippin hours and am a little more coo coo than normal. I feel down his leg and find the diaper wrapped around his leg, completely dry. I tell Sara I am going to take him in the bathroom to make him sit on the potty. I get him in the bathroom and go to pull down his pants and there is the poop, all over his legs all in his socks and toes. Completely gross!!! I start scrubbing him down with Frisches hand soap that smells like an old woman's perfume and paper towels. So, now all my child has on is a diaper and bengals jersey. Since he is the third child , he is neglected! Ha! You would think I would have learned by now to pack extra clothes, but nope! I can hear my Dad's voice in my head"Girl, when ya gonna learn?" Obviously , not anytime soon! We get all cleaned up and I ask the manager for a bag for the nasty clothes. He laughs and talks about his kids. I wouldn't be laughing too hard yet,buddy.
Finally, I go back to our booth ( my child,half naked) and Sara is still laughing at me. Of course, Jonathan sees the trucks again and wants to see them. Whatever! Go! We were waiting for our check anyway. He is over there 2 seconds and comes running back in his little Bengals jersey saying"Yucky Mommy! Yuck!" Holy shit! There is poop on his foot. Where the hell did this come from? I walk over to the window and there on the floor is a nice pile of poo! I am pretty sure the f bomb came out of my mouth. Imagine that! Sara is laughing so hard I think she is going to fall out of the booth. I go over with napkins to clean it up and can't get it up because it has the consistency of soft serve ice cream and is stuck in the groves of the carpet.OMG!!! You have got to be kidding me?!!! Come on God, give me a break!! Just once!! I promise I will be good!! Mortified, have to go back up to the laughing Manager and ask for a scrub brush and warm soapy water. I will clean up my own kids poo! Well, guess what? Its against the health department! The laughing manager has to clean it! There he goes with his rubber gloves,brush, and warm soapy water. The next thing I hear is "Girls, rope of the dining area, and call Stanley Steamer." I think we made our mark at Fort Thomas Frisches.
Oh, and P.S. I totally forgot to tip our nice waiter because I was too busy scrubbing poo off Jonathan's body. I feel horrible, but I just can't bring myself to go back in there. They would probably all run like hell and play"paper,rock, scissors "to see who was going to wait on us.
Next time, I am going to a bar to drink , instead of eat, and I will be going without my children!
First, let me set up my little day for you. I am diabetic, and had to have the normal, run of the mill,12 hour fasting blood test. Let me tell you, I absolutely DREAD this. Keeping food away from me for 12 long hours is like keeping milk away from a baby. So, I wake up, to low blood sugar(of course) and a down pour of rain. I had plans to meet one of my oldest and dearest friends for breakfast at Frisches at 9:00. I didn't realize my little blood test was going to be 36 viles later. By the time I got out of Christ Hospital, I was starving and shakey. Jonathan(my 2 yr old) and I finally arrive at Frisches and hop into the booth with my friend, Sara. We hit up the breakfast bar, and Jonathan sees these big trucks across the street. So naturally, he wants to watch them. I am fine with that. Nobody is sitting around us, and we are about 10 ft away,so I let him go stand and look out the window. He is being so good(which never happens in public places) and of course I am shoveling the food in as fast as my little mouth will open. He walks over to me and says "Mom, I poop." He has been telling me this when he does one or the other. I pull his pants out and look down to find a shiney little hiney. Thats right, no diaper is on his butt. I say to Sara"Oh, shit! Did I forget to put a diaper on him this morning? " Remember ,I haven't had anything to eat in 12 flippin hours and am a little more coo coo than normal. I feel down his leg and find the diaper wrapped around his leg, completely dry. I tell Sara I am going to take him in the bathroom to make him sit on the potty. I get him in the bathroom and go to pull down his pants and there is the poop, all over his legs all in his socks and toes. Completely gross!!! I start scrubbing him down with Frisches hand soap that smells like an old woman's perfume and paper towels. So, now all my child has on is a diaper and bengals jersey. Since he is the third child , he is neglected! Ha! You would think I would have learned by now to pack extra clothes, but nope! I can hear my Dad's voice in my head"Girl, when ya gonna learn?" Obviously , not anytime soon! We get all cleaned up and I ask the manager for a bag for the nasty clothes. He laughs and talks about his kids. I wouldn't be laughing too hard yet,buddy.
Finally, I go back to our booth ( my child,half naked) and Sara is still laughing at me. Of course, Jonathan sees the trucks again and wants to see them. Whatever! Go! We were waiting for our check anyway. He is over there 2 seconds and comes running back in his little Bengals jersey saying"Yucky Mommy! Yuck!" Holy shit! There is poop on his foot. Where the hell did this come from? I walk over to the window and there on the floor is a nice pile of poo! I am pretty sure the f bomb came out of my mouth. Imagine that! Sara is laughing so hard I think she is going to fall out of the booth. I go over with napkins to clean it up and can't get it up because it has the consistency of soft serve ice cream and is stuck in the groves of the carpet.OMG!!! You have got to be kidding me?!!! Come on God, give me a break!! Just once!! I promise I will be good!! Mortified, have to go back up to the laughing Manager and ask for a scrub brush and warm soapy water. I will clean up my own kids poo! Well, guess what? Its against the health department! The laughing manager has to clean it! There he goes with his rubber gloves,brush, and warm soapy water. The next thing I hear is "Girls, rope of the dining area, and call Stanley Steamer." I think we made our mark at Fort Thomas Frisches.
Oh, and P.S. I totally forgot to tip our nice waiter because I was too busy scrubbing poo off Jonathan's body. I feel horrible, but I just can't bring myself to go back in there. They would probably all run like hell and play"paper,rock, scissors "to see who was going to wait on us.
Next time, I am going to a bar to drink , instead of eat, and I will be going without my children!
Friday, March 18, 2011
SOUND THE ALARM!!!
Whew! Today,so far, has been a day!!! My lil darlings are off school. So, I decided We should do something fun! Quite honestly, I just didn't feel like cleaning my palace or its throne and listening to the prince and princesses whine about how mean I am for making them clean! So off to the Cincinnati Museum Center we go. It started out great. We went to the Natural History Museum , which my kids loved . Then, we decided to hit the dreaded beloved Children's Museum. And there, in the middle of the balls center my Jonathan decided to karate chop and Asian child. So, being a responsible parent(ha!ha!) I decide to go up to the Asian child's parents to apologize,only to realize they don't speak English. What the hell? I thought every Asian was brilliant and spoke multiple languages. After I am finished apologizing to the Asians( they keep smiling at me while their kid is screaming in front of them pointing to Jonathan) Leah heads over to the playhouse. And there, the infamous "let me pee my pants and not tell my Mom "happened. Only, did I realize that she peed her pants when she started walking like a penguin because not only are her underwear and pants wet, but her socks are too. So I haul all of them into the bathroom ,while I am drying her pants with the hand drier.Finally I get the pants dry and Leah has that "oh so natural" smell of urine to her. You are probably thinking" Why didn't you just leave?" I have the perfect answer: I am a complete cheap ass and just paid $32.00 for my family to get into the historical joint.
We finally venture back out into the chaos of the Children's Museum. My kids are having a great time playing, when Ella decides that she sees the cave area that she is going to explore.ALONE! She totally wandered away from me. I seriously thought my heart was going to pump out of my chest. Do you know how many pervs probably lurk in those museum centers? I am searching everywhere and can't find her for 10 minutes. I decide to go to the front desk and tell them that ultimately, I lost my kid. They call a code 3 and don't let anyone out or in of the Children's Museum until she is found. Thank goodness she freaked out when she tried to come back and find me and had a meltdown when I was nowhere to be found. Sometimes,meltdowns can be good things! Remember that!
We decide to leave the Children's Museum(yay!) and head to the History of Cincinnati Museum. Everyone was getting a little cranky at that point and I felt like a rung out washcloth. We are getting ready to leave and Leah is running and takes a face plant on the carpet. She starts screaming. I scoop her up in one arm,while pushing the stroller with the other hand, and trying to keep an eye on my escape victim(Ella Rose) walking in front of me.I decided we got our 32.00 worth of a visit, which I could have spent on fast food and alcohol if I would have known how stressful this day would have been. With my hands full ,Ella goes to push the handicap door button and instead presses the fire alarm which was right next to it.And yes, we found out that they did change their batteries for their fire alarms when we had to spring forward. Ouch!It was loud! SOUND THE ALARM!! THIS MOMMA IS TOAST!
We finally venture back out into the chaos of the Children's Museum. My kids are having a great time playing, when Ella decides that she sees the cave area that she is going to explore.ALONE! She totally wandered away from me. I seriously thought my heart was going to pump out of my chest. Do you know how many pervs probably lurk in those museum centers? I am searching everywhere and can't find her for 10 minutes. I decide to go to the front desk and tell them that ultimately, I lost my kid. They call a code 3 and don't let anyone out or in of the Children's Museum until she is found. Thank goodness she freaked out when she tried to come back and find me and had a meltdown when I was nowhere to be found. Sometimes,meltdowns can be good things! Remember that!
We decide to leave the Children's Museum(yay!) and head to the History of Cincinnati Museum. Everyone was getting a little cranky at that point and I felt like a rung out washcloth. We are getting ready to leave and Leah is running and takes a face plant on the carpet. She starts screaming. I scoop her up in one arm,while pushing the stroller with the other hand, and trying to keep an eye on my escape victim(Ella Rose) walking in front of me.I decided we got our 32.00 worth of a visit, which I could have spent on fast food and alcohol if I would have known how stressful this day would have been. With my hands full ,Ella goes to push the handicap door button and instead presses the fire alarm which was right next to it.And yes, we found out that they did change their batteries for their fire alarms when we had to spring forward. Ouch!It was loud! SOUND THE ALARM!! THIS MOMMA IS TOAST!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
If Momma Ain't Happy,Ain't Nobody Happy: And You Thought You Had It Hard!
If Momma Ain't Happy,Ain't Nobody Happy: And You Thought You Had It Hard!: "So, this is the text message I just sent my Sister in Law 'Instead of writing my book, I am starting a blog. Then, maybe ,I will get up the ..."
And You Thought You Had It Hard!
So, this is the text message I just sent my Sister in Law "Instead of writing my book, I am starting a blog. Then, maybe ,I will get up the nerve to start writing a book."
Everyone tells me I should write a book. Apparently, my life with three kids and a husband is insanely hilarious! To me, I just muddle through it, not knowing any different. I think it has to be normal to have your child poo on the floor of a restaurant , during breakfast,while you are trying to catch up with a dear friend . (More to come on this story ! )And it has to be normal to have 2 flat tires in one week,all the while, while one of your kids has strep throat, one crying of a sore tailbone and the youngest of the bunch not sleeping, making me one deliriously crazy Mom! Oh, and did I mention I work part time as a hairdresser?
And You thought You had it hard?
Everyone tells me I should write a book. Apparently, my life with three kids and a husband is insanely hilarious! To me, I just muddle through it, not knowing any different. I think it has to be normal to have your child poo on the floor of a restaurant , during breakfast,while you are trying to catch up with a dear friend . (More to come on this story ! )And it has to be normal to have 2 flat tires in one week,all the while, while one of your kids has strep throat, one crying of a sore tailbone and the youngest of the bunch not sleeping, making me one deliriously crazy Mom! Oh, and did I mention I work part time as a hairdresser?
And You thought You had it hard?
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