Be Jealous

   I bet I am the only 30 year old you know that drives a Grand Marquise. Everyone else I see that drives this car usually has a handicap sticker dangling from their rear view mirror and is at the minimum age of 75. That's probably why my friends say I need an old lady long cigarette and mixed drink in my hand while driving and I would fit perfectly in the old lady car. It's a total grandma car.In fact, it was my Grandma's car.
Let me tell you how I acquired this lovely silver beast also known as "The Marg Mobile".  My Grandma(God love her) thought that she was perfectly fine to drive. Who cares if she couldn't't remember the day of the week or see the television 5 feet in front of her. She had her independence, damn it, and she was going to keep it.
   Grandma is slick. She thought she was going to pull a few things over on us. First, she ordered a silver can of paint from the dealership so that she could touch up any "dings" that would occur.  What dealership does that? I think dealerships that know they are selling a bunch of old lady cars.You know, like when someone would pull up next to her beast(car) in the parking lot at Kroger and open their car door and hit her car. It had nothing to do with the fact that she side swiped her house a few times  pulling in and out of the garage or that one time she ran over her brand new red lawn mower and hid it in her barn. She would just bust out the can of paint and throw the paint on the part that was scratched or the chunk that was missing from the bumper. Silver paint fixes all. Especially, when She didn't actually paint it. She just kind of guessed where the spot was that was hit and sort of threw it on her car. Hence the reason why I drive around a car with silver streaks all over it. Oh well! She was being creative!
  Let's rewind a bit here. Remember how I said there was a red lawn mower that had been hit and hid in the barn? She lives on 4 acres. Cutting the grass has always been a monumental event to her. She loved  cutting the grass.  So,after Grandpa died my cousins and I would go out and help her get all the grass cut. We used just the regular lawn mower while she was on the tractor cutting. She needed a new push mower, so at her command, Grandma got a new mower. It was red, shiny and very nice and expensive. After she got her new mower she had been complaining to my Dad that her old mower's wheel was off."You have to have 2 mowers to cut my yard. I just won't work without 2 mowers." She said. Can you say A-Typical personality? So, my Mom and Dad asked a friend that fixes lawn mowers to come take a look. It was a Sunday evening and I was in charge of bringing out Grandma dinner that night. I was at her house when Mr.Rolf came. I directed him down to the barn and told him the old mower was down there. After about a half an hour he comes back up from the barn and has this confused look on his face. He says" There is no wheel missing from any mower.Did you mean the red mower with the tarp covering it?"
I told him that that mower was brand new and there shouldn't be anything wrong with it. Grandma just paid an arm and a leg to get it.Her German personality will come out if something is wrong with her precious mower. Mr Rolf continued" Well, the red mower looks like it has been run over by something." Oh shit! I new it before he even finished the rest of the sentence what he was going to say. " Does she still drive?" He asked. "Uh huh." I answered. I took him into the garage where the Marg Mobile(my Granny's name is Marguerite. This is what my brothers and I call her car) was parked. There is no red paint on the outside of the car. And then he laid down on the garage floor and looked up under the car and sure enough red paint!! Apparently ,she must have backed over the lawn mower after the first time using it and  flattened it like a pancake. Then, I guess she figured out that she hit it, and somehow got the mower down to the barn and hid it under a plastic tarp. Out of sight, out of mind , right?
Mr. Rolf couldn't fix it. Imagine that. And when we asked Grandma about it, she had "no idea" what we were talking about.
 At that point, The Marg Mobile needed to be out of her sight. Ralph (my husband) had just had to trade in his company work car, which made us down a car. So I asked Grandma if we could borrow her car. Of course she said yes. Our true intentions were to borrow it, but after we returned it we had to borrow it again because she hit the side of her house and cracked some of the brick. So, we borrowed it for good. It wasn't safe for her anymore.
 I bet you didn't know that you can fit 3 car seats comfortably in the back seat my car? Yep, you can! And I bet you didn't know that I can park crooked in a parking spot and no one even think twice because my car looks like it has been beaten to hell and back and most people probably think...aww that poor little old lady can't park, but at least she is trying to keep her independence. Oh , and my car only had 26,000 miles on it when I got it. And the most important thing of all, that Ralph constantly reminds me of when I bitch (but I am still grateful to have her car) that I drive an old lady mobile is that The Marg Mobile is payed off. BE JEALOUS! I KNOW YOU ARE!! HAHA!!!!