Where to begin? Alright, I have a story for you. I take dinner to my Granny Horan once a week. She just turned 89 last Saturday. Everytime I am out at her house bringing her dinner, it is always interesting. A few weeks ago, I brought her some soup. Grandma was sitting across the counter watching me like a hawk, making sure I got out the "exact bowl" with the "exact spoon" for her soup. I guess when I reached up to get the bowl out of the cabinet, my shirt crept up a bit and my stomach was showing. " My,my you are stout." Granny blurts out. "You know,when I was your age, I never had that problem of being stout. I was skinny as a rail. When I was pregnant, nobody ever knew it, because I never looked like I gained any weight at all." First of all, I am not even preggo, and second of all, if you want to call me fat, just say it. I ignore her little lovely comment, until she strikes a second time. I guess she forgot she politely called me a fat ass the first time. This time, I am sitting on the floor taking her support hose off of her legs and putting her slippers on her feet for her. " Oh my you are stout. You know, when my mother was stout, she got her scale out and measured her food, so she wasn't stout anymore. Most women that are stout have larger chests. I never had that problem,having a large chest,because I wasn't stout." She says to me. OH MY WORD, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Oh no you didn't just call me fat again, Grandma?!? So, I decide to grow a larger chest than I already have, and "woman up" and give Granny a taste of her own medicine. "Grandma, if you call me stout again, I am going to let you try and take your own support hose off and put your own slippers on. You know, if you can't get your support hose off before bed, you could have your circulation cut off in your sleep, and then you might actually have a problem." I say. Her response" Well, I don't have circulation problems. I have never had any major problems. Now, do you want some ice cream? I need a bowl." Haha! I love it,call me fat and offer me ice cream!
The next night it was my brother's turn to bring Grandma dinner. Clay calls me on the way home from Grandma's. " Hey" he says" I think Grandma just tried to call me a fat ass, politely....." The joys of being 89!!
